Promise (8)

Chapter 7 : Lost

I can't believe what just happened.

I stand still beside my bed, unable to make sense out of everything. Am I dreaming? Where is Cedric? I have to be sleeping.. and dreaming - a really bad dream. I am seeing Cedric tomorrow. I am very excited.. Yes, I am excited. I have to get a good sleep before dawn breaks. I have to wake up, drink a glass of water and go back to a quiet sleep. But what am I doing? I can't move. My hand is still holding the letter. Tears start prickling, but I ignore them. Wake up, Sydney. This is a bad dream. Wake up... Why aren't you?

I can't help but fall right onto the floor. I can't feel my body. I can't feel anything. This can't be real. Impossible. I look around. I'm in my room, perfectly dressed except that my jacket has been taken off. It is not a dream, something in my head tells me. No, I fight. I look at the clock. It's eight. I touch my rug on the floor, my bed... Everything is just real. You can never see things so clear in a dream, the voice said again. This time, I have enough. I am getting mad. I shout and scream. I want to wake up! Why am I trapped in this horrible, stupid nightmare? I shout and throw the letter away like it will turn into golden dust and disappear in the air.

"Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I jump. "Nooo!"

"Sydney?" Mum opens the door. I start messing the blankets and bedsheets.
"Sydney? What's wrong? Honey?"
I still continue screaming and shouting. I will not believe a single thing that is happening, I will not believe a single thing.. I chant in my mind. This is a nightmare.
The next thing I know, a familiar pair of arms wrap around me. It's my mum. I stop the noise immediately. That is when Dad comes to see what is happening too.
"Sydney, are you alright?"
"Mum..." I sob. "Is this a dream? Tell me it is...." This time, I can't hold back any more tears. I let them run. My cheeks are wet - and they wet Mum's blouse too.
"Honey, it's not.. What exactly is wrong?"
I realize Dad is watching me very intently. I sob and try to stay calm.
"Cedric... He is..he's...."
I can't let the word out. It's more difficult saying this than suffering from a fatal disease.

"Gone."

It is not a dream after all. Mum and Dad read the letter and spend a whole hour with me in my room. They comfort and ensure me that everything will turn out fine. They will contact Cedric's family to ask more about their sudden moving. I feel useless. I am the one, being left alone and now I have to trouble them to solve my problems - problems that they have expected. I finally understand, why Mum and Dad are worried about Cedric and I. They are afraid I might get hurt. It's all my fault. I want to... I want to.. I don't know what am I going to do.

All my life, it always has been about Cedric. Now that he has left, my life has gone with him - leaving me, alone.

"We love you, Sydney. Remember that. Don't worry. Time passes quickly before you realize it." Mum and Dad take turns hugging me. After an hour, I ask if I could get some time alone. They understand and leave me in my room. I want to cry. Cry, I tell myself. There are no tears. I bite my bottom lip with irritation. Where are the tears when I need them the most? I look to the left. The pink paper is still lying on the now messy bed. I take it shakingly and read it once more.

...I will, come back to you, I promise..

He promises me. I press the paper on my chest and close my eyes - hugging it.

"You promised.." I whisper.