To Rachel

Pretty, sexy, beautiful Rachel
Smiles so sweetly, just like an angel
Tall and slim, better than a model
Smart and independent, as precious as pearl.

Says and writes daringly on what she feels
She's the Rachel among the Rachels
Loves blogging, facebook and literature
You'll love her like how I love her, my Rachel.

=)

The T-Shirt You Wore

I walked with a company beside me, arm in arm, from one of the old yellow cabins. Neither you nor I, knew what was destined, not even seconds before we met on that beautiful Sunday. The sun shone brightly and blindingly from the endless sky above but the wind was blowing so gently. I was glad that the weather was kind and pleasant. My peer and I chatted happily with full spirit, walking pass annoyed faces that stared at us. I did not care, why should I? It was a moment of freedom and the air never felt better.

Then, the eyes met and were locked for a split second. The heart was pumping a beat faster than usual, was yours too? The mind was distracted as the wind blew harder against the soul. The legs slowed their pace a little. The spell was casted and there was the victim, me. I...

I saw you.

It was a moment of pressure, yet with a teaspoon of delight, knowing your stare kept returning to me. But I was not sure, if it was because of the red flat pumps I was wearing or because you were simply feeling what I felt.

I looked away after two seconds, afraid of what I have done that might seem obvious. The third second, I was peeking from the corner of my eye to see if you were looking. Your fingers brushed through your curly, lush black hair - I wanted to touch. Your colourful aura amazed and mesmerized me in every way, and in every stare, you blinded me. Even the black coloured Dynamite t-shirt you wore seemed the most comfortable t-shirt on Earth, besides looking cool. And even the Transformers belt buckle looked so adorable on your waist.

For the whole six hours of the course, I saw no one but you, thought of no one but you. Sitting behind you two rows away was the closest I could get but it did not matter as long as I could see you - leaning against the wall, listening to your music through the white earphones, playing a game on the iPhone, sleeping without caring what was happening. It was the time I felt myself liking someone again, after so long.

But it was only for those six hours..

'Cause I will never see you again.

Until now, I still remember the way you looked at me, for the first time, and for the last.


=)

Distant Memory

Today I stood in a crowd alone
My eyes wondered, and then found you
You looked at her with a smile she owned
And talked with words, so kind and meaningful

I looked and thought - what if I were her
Everything would be perfect and so it would be
Now i thanked her for being here
For she was the one for you, anyone could see

Thanks for the love I once had, you never gave
It once brought sunshine, rain and stars at night
Now just a memory, an experience, a teacher
To push me through the journey, dark or bright

PIMPLES and GRADUATION.

Hey guys!

Suddenly, I feel inspired again to write something on my blog. Thanks to fernanda, a visitor. ;D My exam's coming in two weeks. Yet, I haven't got myself in a studying mode. Instead, I loiter around my house for hours, go online and off again, watch tv, and loiter again. Now, guilt is eating my insides. I MEAN IT.

Don't you guys think so too, that a few weeks/days before exams, you feel like doomsday is coming? I feel that way. I am mentally tortured.

But, wee! Before all that, my graduation day's this tuesday and i'm feeling pretty excited. I can't wait for it! But at the same time, I wish it will come SLOWLY. because once graduation's over, nothing exciting will be happening. I'll just be stoning until exam arrives.

so, in preparation for my graduation, I've already gotten my clothes ready. A white top and a black skirt. I'm still wondering whether to tie my hair or to let it down... (my hair is shoulder length!) And I still don't know how am I gonna put my make-up. I am so not an expert in putting make-up. And the presence of my eye bags really make things worse.

Horrible make-up + Eyebags (which still can be seen after putting some cream...told you I don't know how to put on make-up) = Frustration.

Now, I have pimples growing. All of a sudden, since a week ago, all these horrible, merciless, painful, bumpy, red volcanoes appeared on my face. Why of all times do they have to appear NOW, all at once... ( T.T My face was still so clear and clean two weeks ago) Why oh why?

Horrible make-up + Eyebags + Pimples = Knocks-head-thinking-about-how-it-will-be-when-taking-graduation-picture

So I tried many methods to get rid of them, really quick. I've successfully (90%) gotten rid of 4 pimples. Now, I'm left with one. One miserable pimple that just would not burst, or dry off.

Method 1 : I use the cold powder (bedak sejuk).... the very traditional powder, people in the olden days use it to prevent pimples and whiten skin/face..

Method 2 : My friend, taught me this. Crush panadol, mix it with a little bit of water, and make panadol paste. Apply it on the pimple. Hm, I'm still trying this. Since morning. The pimple reduced in size. But it's not completely gone yet!

Method 3 : I surfed the net. Some people say toothpaste, while some say, "NOOOOO Toothpaste!" Uhh. Anyway, I tried it. Still trying it too. :D wish me luck!

Method 4 : ...I wanted to use honey, because I've tried it before, it makes the skin super smooth and soft. But i ran out of honey. =(

SO, I have one day left to kill this pimple.

If I really have to, then i'll have to use a lotta make-up to cover the pimple. What is the product specially to cover blemishes and pimples? Bahhh. I don't think my mum has it. Hmph. Failed plan.

Let's see how everything goes, and then I'll tell you! :)

! updated 25 nov : i still have the pimple scar. :O !

I'm trying and see if I can reduce my big eyebags t:Oo! I use this method :) I'll have to try for a few days tho to see if it works. :/ (not my vid!)

Promise (14)

Chapter 13 : Love You, Love You Not

I found it. The letter I wanted to send a few months ago.

But it is a piece of crap.

---

3rd February 2009, Thursday.
Dear diary,

I am so stupid. Do you agree with me? My determination of blocking negative thoughts have once again, failed. I read the letter I wrote to Cedric. I remember I was so sad I crumpled it so badly.. Wonder why I did not throw it away... I'm glad I did not send it to him. I sounded so depressed and devastated. Who am I? Pffttt...I can live without him.

Gah, no. I'm dying without him..

What should I do? Dear diary, you're the only cure to my heart now... Please, tell me... I don't feel as bad as before, but I'm not sure of what I feel now either. Although Cedric said he would come back, but would my heart still feel the same when that time comes? I'm afraid.. Should I keep loving him, or not?

---


[msn]

Max: Hello?
Sydney: Yeah? Hey..
Max: How are you? You weren't in school...
Sydney: Yeah...
Max: Sick again?
Sydney: Yeah...
Max: Well, get well soon.
Sydney: I guess. Thanks. =)
Max: So...I'll see you in school once you're okay then. Bye.
Sydney: Goodnight.

---

No, the fact is, I am not sick. I am at home, nursing my empty soul. I am sick of Cedric's attitude. What is wrong with him? Why is it so difficult to explain anything to me?

---

[msn]

Cedric: W'sup guys...Got some time?
Danny: Yo, man. Wassup...?
Nick: Yeah? I'm in the mid of a game...
Cedric: I'm in pain here. Who'd ever believe if I said I had no connection for months..?
Danny: Yeah, you finally come online. Phew.
Cedric: I think Sydney's really mad. She hasn't replied my mail. You think she thinks that I lied?
Danny: Possible. You haven't replied her for months... What do you expect? You should have just told her that you did not have internet.
Cedric: That's a lame excuse. Afterall, I left without any warning. She must be mad.
Nick: What do you suggest? Miss you dude. School's boring without you.
Danny: Cedric, there's this guy, Max. He's kinda close with Sydney. Just fyi.
Nick: Yeah, new kid. Feeling threatened?
Cedric: Am I suppose to worry?
Nick: I guess...
Cedric: *stabs self*
Danny: Don't worry tho. I'm sure Sydney just treats him like a friend.
Cedric: How's she doing?
Danny: She's doing fine. Better.
Nick: But at times she looks really, really bad.
Cedric: It's my fault.
Danny: Why don't you msn her?
Cedric: She doesn't seem to come online.
Nick: Maybe she's blocking you.
Danny: Hardly. I'm sure she would wanna have a chat with you.
Cedric: Hopefully.
Danny: Well, don't worry, we'll keep an eye on her.
Nick: Yeah.
Cedric: Thanks, Dan, Nick. I'm going off. Bye guys.
Danny: Bye.
Nick: Uh, bye.

---

"Sydney!"
"Hey, Cindy," I greet with a smile, as usual, I have my bag hung on my shoulder and hold some books in my hand. School is going to be great today.
"How are you? You got me worried, dumping school just like that."
"Sorry. Where's Emma?"
"Talking to Eyrique at the end of the foyer, there."
"Oh."
I look around the foyer again, but not to see Emma. Max, Where is he?
"Max's in the garden," Cindy says, as if reading my mind. That is when Danny Lee and Nick Wright come up to us. They are Cedric's best guy friends. They are pretty cool guys - Danny is quiet but popular, the prom king material while Nick is a quiet but a good gamer. Cedric talks to me a lot about them. Hm, correction - talked. Wonder why they are here.
"Hey, Sydney, Cindy." Both of them greet.
"Hi," Cindy reply, staring at Danny. I nudge her in the elbow.
"Morning, guys, Dan, Nick." I wish them.
"I think you should know that...Um,.." Danny looks at Cindy. Cindy who later understands the cue, leaves me with them. "See you later Syd."
Danny continues, "We talked to Cedric last night. And, he thinks you're mad with him."
"Yeah, he just got his connection a few days ago. It's not his fault he did not contact you. Heard his phone died too," Nick interrupts.
So, it really is not his fault. That is what I think at that moment. But that is all. Something is wrong with me.
"Oh, okay," is all I reply.
"Right... I'm glad you understand. He's worried you're avoiding him or something." Danny says, this time he combs his hair with his fingers. Wow, his hair is something to die for.
"Nah. Thanks guys. I'm sure I'll be chatting with him soon. Bye."
"Bye," both of them say simultaneously.

I walk away and head to the garden, feeling perfectly, normal. I smile. Yeah, this is going to be a fine day.

Seventeen.

Summarised in 15 words.

23rd/24th/25th January : one of the best birthdays so far although it's the busiest and most stressful day. =)

Sixteen Going On Seventeen

It's my last day - last hour being a sixteen-year-old. A sweet sixteen-er.
What do they call seventeen-year olds? Sexyy seventeen, or...forever seventeen. heh.

Reminds me of Edward.

'Seventeen.'
'How long have you been seventeen?'

'A while.'

This morning I was talking with M about this. She forgot and thought Edward was eighteen. I laughed so badly. Haha.

I have nothing much to say actually. Just wanna update my blog and make this my last sweet sixteen post. Woots.

School and homework = disaster. I'm doing homework on my last day of being sixteen and first day being seventeen. 'Welcome to life,' says M.

Oh and yeah, I celebrated my birthday just now, dinner at La Carrettas (hope i spelled it correctly.) a Mexican Restaurant. There was a big family beside my table which was celebrating a lil' girl's birthday too. The staff sang happy birthday for her. I enjoyed it although it's not for me. LOL. (Roughly remembers)..My dish was Quesadillas and I drank Margarita. =) Also, yum yum oysters. I'll not go into details. Too tired.

And I'm off to do my homework. Or maybe just stall for a bit.

-michelle, ps: i can still taste the oysters in my mouth. =)

'it's almost a week but the memory of you is still fresh in my mind.'

Blood Red Tears and My Thoughts.

For the past three days, sorrow poured over the gloomy land and sea of Penang. 6 bodies from the dragon boat tragedy were found one after another. ChungLingHighSchool Club teacher Chin Aik Siang, and students Jason Ch'ng, Brendon Yeoh, Goh Yi Zhang, Cheah Zi Jun and Wang Yong Xiang unfortunately never made it through the mishap safely. Although I never knew them in person, I have friends who knew them, who shared precious moments with them. Hopes and wishes were flooding Facebook as friends called them to come home. People prayed, so did I, trading my birthday wish for every single hope. To learn that our prayers and wishes did not come true, I felt (and still feel) gloomy.

That night just after the incident, I slept at 2.30 am after just surfing the net about the victims. Blur pictures of the sea and waves created chaos in my subconcious mind as I slept. I woke up with a worried heart. On Monday, in school, I looked at my watch and wondered if any of those missing were found safely yet. In my head, I felt disturbed. The usual noise in my class that I was used to was making me lose sanity. I needed peace. Finally the long school hours were over. I switched on the computer as soon as I was back home at two and visited star online. It said, two more bodies were found. My heart dropped and coldness wrapped itself around me. After lunch I stayed in front of the computer and kept on refreshing the page for the latest news. Later I had to leave at 4.20 pm to attend school's sports practice. At 6.30 pm when I was back I refreshed the page again. There it was, a statement saying all bodies were found at 4.25 pm. I didn't know what to do. I cried.

Today, I woke up. I heard the wind blowing hard and the trees swayed, creating a sad and creepy melody. It then started raining heavily at 7 in the morning for a couple of hours. The sky remained grey and dark. In class, I kept thinking of the people and the mishap. Why did it had to happen? I thought. They were so young. Four were at my age. My friend was patient enough to hear me moaning the whole morning. It was really weird because (1) I felt really sad for the victims whom I barely knew, and (2) was it normal? Normally, when we read news about tragedies in the paper, we sympathise with them, but the sadness only lasted a while. But now, mine has lasted for two days. Today, I wore black to tuition, head to toe. The day was moody and dull and so was I. I hope by writing this I feel better. Ah well.

Sadly, I have homework to do now. A lot of them. So, I'll sign off now.

-michelle

"It's not about how it ended. It's about the journey."

Who are you?

Who are you? The one who grasp the memories of your first love? Or the one who misses your last everyday? Or both? Perhaps...neither.

People always remember their first love. The first time they feel the rush inside the mysterious yet magical heart, the first time they yearn for that person so badly... The first time the flowers bloom beautifully with grace in spring, spreading their satin petals apart..

But would they remember their last love? The sweet times both of them spend together. The sadness and happiness they share. The times when they spend hours on the phone - complaining about their busy day or telling how much they love each other.. But in a day, everything changes.. Nothing is left.

What if.. that someone is your first love and the last? And you have to let go. The pain stabs you in the heart when you want to let go, the sorrow pours when he passes by, but excitement rushes through with just a single hi..

You want to say the three common words so badly.. "I love you." What if you never will have that chance? No chance. Or, if suddenly a spark of hope ignites, would you? Say those words?

I won't, because love is easily be forgotten. It is.

-michelle-