Promise (14)

Chapter 13 : Love You, Love You Not

I found it. The letter I wanted to send a few months ago.

But it is a piece of crap.

---

3rd February 2009, Thursday.
Dear diary,

I am so stupid. Do you agree with me? My determination of blocking negative thoughts have once again, failed. I read the letter I wrote to Cedric. I remember I was so sad I crumpled it so badly.. Wonder why I did not throw it away... I'm glad I did not send it to him. I sounded so depressed and devastated. Who am I? Pffttt...I can live without him.

Gah, no. I'm dying without him..

What should I do? Dear diary, you're the only cure to my heart now... Please, tell me... I don't feel as bad as before, but I'm not sure of what I feel now either. Although Cedric said he would come back, but would my heart still feel the same when that time comes? I'm afraid.. Should I keep loving him, or not?

---


[msn]

Max: Hello?
Sydney: Yeah? Hey..
Max: How are you? You weren't in school...
Sydney: Yeah...
Max: Sick again?
Sydney: Yeah...
Max: Well, get well soon.
Sydney: I guess. Thanks. =)
Max: So...I'll see you in school once you're okay then. Bye.
Sydney: Goodnight.

---

No, the fact is, I am not sick. I am at home, nursing my empty soul. I am sick of Cedric's attitude. What is wrong with him? Why is it so difficult to explain anything to me?

---

[msn]

Cedric: W'sup guys...Got some time?
Danny: Yo, man. Wassup...?
Nick: Yeah? I'm in the mid of a game...
Cedric: I'm in pain here. Who'd ever believe if I said I had no connection for months..?
Danny: Yeah, you finally come online. Phew.
Cedric: I think Sydney's really mad. She hasn't replied my mail. You think she thinks that I lied?
Danny: Possible. You haven't replied her for months... What do you expect? You should have just told her that you did not have internet.
Cedric: That's a lame excuse. Afterall, I left without any warning. She must be mad.
Nick: What do you suggest? Miss you dude. School's boring without you.
Danny: Cedric, there's this guy, Max. He's kinda close with Sydney. Just fyi.
Nick: Yeah, new kid. Feeling threatened?
Cedric: Am I suppose to worry?
Nick: I guess...
Cedric: *stabs self*
Danny: Don't worry tho. I'm sure Sydney just treats him like a friend.
Cedric: How's she doing?
Danny: She's doing fine. Better.
Nick: But at times she looks really, really bad.
Cedric: It's my fault.
Danny: Why don't you msn her?
Cedric: She doesn't seem to come online.
Nick: Maybe she's blocking you.
Danny: Hardly. I'm sure she would wanna have a chat with you.
Cedric: Hopefully.
Danny: Well, don't worry, we'll keep an eye on her.
Nick: Yeah.
Cedric: Thanks, Dan, Nick. I'm going off. Bye guys.
Danny: Bye.
Nick: Uh, bye.

---

"Sydney!"
"Hey, Cindy," I greet with a smile, as usual, I have my bag hung on my shoulder and hold some books in my hand. School is going to be great today.
"How are you? You got me worried, dumping school just like that."
"Sorry. Where's Emma?"
"Talking to Eyrique at the end of the foyer, there."
"Oh."
I look around the foyer again, but not to see Emma. Max, Where is he?
"Max's in the garden," Cindy says, as if reading my mind. That is when Danny Lee and Nick Wright come up to us. They are Cedric's best guy friends. They are pretty cool guys - Danny is quiet but popular, the prom king material while Nick is a quiet but a good gamer. Cedric talks to me a lot about them. Hm, correction - talked. Wonder why they are here.
"Hey, Sydney, Cindy." Both of them greet.
"Hi," Cindy reply, staring at Danny. I nudge her in the elbow.
"Morning, guys, Dan, Nick." I wish them.
"I think you should know that...Um,.." Danny looks at Cindy. Cindy who later understands the cue, leaves me with them. "See you later Syd."
Danny continues, "We talked to Cedric last night. And, he thinks you're mad with him."
"Yeah, he just got his connection a few days ago. It's not his fault he did not contact you. Heard his phone died too," Nick interrupts.
So, it really is not his fault. That is what I think at that moment. But that is all. Something is wrong with me.
"Oh, okay," is all I reply.
"Right... I'm glad you understand. He's worried you're avoiding him or something." Danny says, this time he combs his hair with his fingers. Wow, his hair is something to die for.
"Nah. Thanks guys. I'm sure I'll be chatting with him soon. Bye."
"Bye," both of them say simultaneously.

I walk away and head to the garden, feeling perfectly, normal. I smile. Yeah, this is going to be a fine day.