Chapter 11 : Laugh 'Cause You're Beautiful
The sky is raining cotton candy - the snowflakes reflect romantic pastel colours as the cloud moves, exposing the sun from time to time. The ground has been carpeted with a layer of Alice Blue. Children from the supermarket rush out to play. Some shape snowballs while some make snow angels. Suddenly, I see a snowball charging towards Max and hitting him right into the face with a hard slam. A girl laughes. His shocked expression makes me laugh too.
"This is the first time I see you laugh." He says, wiping away the cold ice that has started to melt on his red face. I laugh again when I see his face.
"You're really pretty when you laugh."
"Not." I look away, pretending to be watching and observing every single shape and pattern of the snowflakes. Hexagons, pentagons...
"It's finally snowing, huh.."
I look up and see him smiling. I just realize that he has a really nice, curved nose bridge. He looks down - and I instantly and instinctively pull my gaze away and reply an awkward, "Yeah." I clear my throat.
"Are you thinking of something? About me?"
"No!" My voice hit an octave higher. I clear my throat again. "No."
He laughs. "You're funny."
"Am not."
"Say.. why don't we have some fun..?"
"What?" I ask, looking up at him again. He's so tall.. The next thing I know, he pulls me towards the snow. The paper bags drop from his hands - and mine. "The bags!" I shriek.
"Leave it there, we'll take it later."
I hate to admit it. But I have a fun time playing in the snow - with him. Cars honk - drivers shout at us to move away from their road. The children throw snowballs at us. We hit them back. The light lemon sun ray shines through a hole in a cloud - balancing the temperature of the atmosphere. I admit, I haven't had so much fun since Cedric left.
"Here, let me show you. Roll the snow in your palms.. Shape it into a sphere with your hands. There!" Max helps a boy with his snowball. He looks at me. I smile at him. What am I thinking? Am I losing my mind? For a dangerous moment, I start taking him as a friend - or maybe it's more than just a friend.
"Thanks, I had a great time." Max says as he pulls the car to a halt. "You sure you don't wanna have lunch together?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. And thanks to you too." I say, trying to unbuckle my seatbelt. I have a problem with it. It will not unbuckle. I pull and push. This is so embarassing.
"Let me help you." He offers and reaches over to help me unbuckle. No.
"No, 's'kay." I quickly tell him, afraid that he will come any closer. Click. Phew. "Well, thanks for the ride."
"No problem." Max says. "Oh yeah. Sydney, I guess..We're friends?"
I wait to think of an answer. Friends.. "I guess so.. Yeah. We are friends." I turn to open the door but look back. "One more thing, why did you change classes?"
"The truth?"
"No. Of course, the truth."
"I'll tell you some other time." He smiles and hands me this small light fuchsia-pink box with rhinestones on it. "Merry Christmas."
I don't know what to say. I've just accepted his friend request and now he's giving me a Christmas present - a beautiful one, even from the outside. "Max, this is.. Thank you, but no, thank you. I appreciate the effort. I have to go." And I climb out of the car, into the flood of snow under my feet, and close the door behind me.
As I lie on my bed that night, I hold out a hand above me, and start sketching random stars - and Cedric's name in cursive. It has almost been four months. My heart doesn't ache so badly anymore.. But I still hold on to the promise. He says he will come back. But when? I can't help but to ask it again and again. My thoughts fly back to this afternoon, when Max shows me the box. I should start accepting people - accepting Max who wants to be my friend. However, something in me says that I'm betraying Cedric. I'm not, I try telling myself. I still love Cedric. I have to. Max is no more than a friend. Four months and still, no news from Cedric, I just have to hang on and be patient.
How long will I last?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Promise (11)
Chapter 10 : Snow
This is too much. This is just too much. The Max guy is changing every of his classes to every single class that I attend. What is wrong with him? First, language, now P.E., history, geography, arts, maths.. I try to avoid him as much as possible in class, but he just can't stop bothering me.
"Hey, Sydney! I like your blouse!" Max says when he enters for history. Everybody turns and looks at me - and my blouse. My amaranth-pink blouse, with floral patterns. Urgh, I shouldn't have taken off my jacket.
"Remind me if I ever wear this again." I tell Wilma, a girl who sits beside me during history. She nods.
"It's nice." Wilma praises. I blush. Now everybody's going to notice what I wear everyday. On second thought, maybe not. For the past two weeks, chaos has taken over my school life, thanks to Mr Campbell. But I sigh in relief when I remember that Christmas holidays are finally here, in a few days time. After the holidays, peace will be restored and my life will be back to normal - the Max guy will probably get over messing with me, at least that's what I think.
"So, are you planning anything for Christmas?" Max asks with a sudden British accent as we walk out of the class. I raise an eyebrow.
"I wonder if..We could go out. You know, I want to get some provisions - and I am still not familiarized with this new area."
I stop and turn to talk to him. "Maybe you can ask your friends." I point at a group of guys at the corner that seems to be looking and talking about us.
"I've asked them. They're too busy. Please?"
I think for a while. A schedule forms in my head. Saturday, lunch with Mum and Dad and a distant relative. Sunday, finish up homework. Monday, meet up with old friends, including Cindy. Tuesday, help with the Christmas decorations at home. Wednesday, Christmas eve, dinner with Mum and Dad. Thursday...Christmas, marks one year since I celebrated it with Cedric at 'Green Forest'..I feel a tear in my eyes and blink it off instantly.
"No, I'm...really busy too. It's only after Christmas that I'm free."
"Well, let's make it Friday then."
I purse my lips and frown. "Didn't you say you wanna get some Christmas provisions?"
"No, I said 'provisions'."
"Ohh."
"Please?" He beg again, which makes me feel bad. Who am I? It's like I'm the bad guy.
I nod. Then, regret it the next second.
"By the way, I really like your blouse. You should wear this often." He winks his signature wink and strides off down the corridor. His honey-blond hair shimmers a shade of gold as a little ray of bronze light shines in from the windows. Wow.. I think, bedazzled and shake my head from imagining wilder thoughts.
"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, children. You may all leave now." Mr Harry, my geography teacher, wishes us as soon as the bell rings, indicating the start of winter holidays.
"Merry Christmas, Mr Harry." We all wish and carry our books out of the class to our respective lockers. Chatters of excitement fills the corridor. While walking, I think of what to do this afternoon. Cindy pats my back and puts an arm on my shoulder.
"Monday, sweetie." She reminds me.
"Yeah, I remember."
"Where's Max?"
"Who?" I ask.
"Max."
"I don't know. Am I suppose to know?"
She shrugs. "I guess so. He's like your magnet."
"A magnet..."
"Don't you think so? He sticks to you. He talks to you. He.. Oh my gosh, he likes you." She widen her eyes like she has just discovered that her favourite Taylor Lautner is dating Taylor Swift.
"No, he doesn't."
"His eyes can't lie. Don't you see it? I can't believe I just realized this. Of course he likes you. He has been flirting with you.." She gasps. "You have an admirer, Sydney."
"Shhh. Keep it down. No, he doesn't and I don't care." I walk faster, holding my books tight. Max passes us and waves goodbye. Cindy waves back.
"Why not? He's cute. Even cuter than Cole, but of course, I still love my sweet Cole. Sydney, forget about Cedric already. He's the one."
I reach out for my locker and dump the books in. I take out other books that I need for homework, put them in my bag, and shut the door close.
"Oh,..I..I'm sorry, Syd. I didn't mean that. It's just.." Cindy apologizes.
"S'kay, Cindy." I say, my hands still pressing onto the door. I look down. Cedric.. It's been a while since someone calls his name in front of me. "I'm just not ready for any other.." I sigh. "See you on Monday." I tell her and walk away.
"Bye.." Cindy says.
After lunch I go up, shut my room door and plunge to the bed - hitting the edge of it on my head. "Oww." My eyes are like two heavy metal doors, forcing themselves to open but can't because they're rusty. Although I feel tired, my mind just can't rest. I lie on the bed for an hour - barely getting any sleep. By then, I don't want to sleep anymore. It's even tiring, waiting to get to sleep. I sit at my table and take out some English books from my bag. Somehow, unintentionally, I open my drawer. The small stone greets me with a shine - And I get an idea. With one swift movement, I grab the pendant and head out of the room.
"Where are you going?" Mum asks when she sees my getting my keys.
"To the shop."
"Be careful. It's cold out there. Don't stay too long."
"Alright."
It's drizzling outside but I ignore the drops. I put on the hood of my jacket and start walking. The journey to the jewellery shop takes me about roughly 15 minutes. I pull out the gift from Cedric and show it to the owner. "May I have a chain for this. Er, not too expensive."
"Here you go." The owner hands me a thin sterling silver. I hook the pendant onto the chain. Perfect. This will be my Christmas present.
"It's a beautiful pendant. May I have a look at it?" She asks.
"Sure." I give it to her, proud that it's mine.
"It's rare. It's a combination of Persian blue and midnight green. A fine combination.. But I'm not sure what it's called, though I've seen this before. Do you know?" This lady seems to know a lot about crystals.
"I don't know. My..boyfriend gave it to me."
"Is he from the South?"
"The South?"
"Yeah, I think this is from the South, somewhere.. I've seen it before when I was on a trip there." She returns my treasure. I pay her the money for the silver chain and walk out.
"The South?" I whisper to myself. "Cedric didn't tell me.. It's rare. It has to be expensive. And it's from the South. The South.." I repeat. Suddenly it hits me. He knows he's going South - but why doesn't he tell me? I feel a pang of disappointment. He doesn't want me go looking for him. But why?
"Oh, what's the use if I know this? It's not like I can fly to see him now. Cedric.."
Saturday and Sunday are boring while Monday is a little bit depressing. My old friends from primary, Fion, Queenie, Jamie talk about boyfriends the whole time. Cindy and Haylie talked about the seas. Apparently, Haylie is in the nature club and she says that nature is being terribly destroyed. "It is our duty to save the poor nature."
"Yes." Cindy agrees. I just nod, not really in a mood for this topic now. Thursday, I have to go to 'Green Forest' I think to myself.
Today is Friday. I moan, thinking that I'll have to go out later.
Two days ago, I celebrate Christmas with Mum and Dad. After dinner, we sit at the fireplace, enjoying the family moment.
"It's weird. It hasn't snowed this year." Dad says.
"Yeah.. Remember those days? We used to play snowball fight outside, in Christmas morning. We would build mini snow forts. Dad always loses when I team up with you, right, honey?" Mum runs her fingers down my hair.
"Yes." I laugh, remembering how Dad used to be all wet from the snowballs that we throw.
"Sad, it's not snowing yet. Perhaps it will tomorrow." Mum says.
And the sky still refuses to let its white flakes fall the next day. Instead, the air is just still - even my neighbour's wind chimes do not tinkle it's sweet melody. But I still carry on my plan. At night, I visit 'Green Forest'. It feels weird being in there again. The last time, Cedric has prepared a candle-lit dinner - an unforgettable night which now seems to be just a distant memory. This is where I celebrated his 17th birthday too. I sip a glass of orange juice, sitting by the window, looking up into the clear, dark blue sky. The sky, the one and only thing that connects me with Cedric now - now that I can't see him, I'll just have to look at it, hoping that he's doing the same too. "Merry Christmas, Cedric." I wish into mid air. My hands touch the pendant that is now a necklace hanging around my usually-bare neck. At the other corner of the hall, a family is having a party. They ask me if I would like to join them but I decline the invitation with a 'thank you' and head out to the street after finishing my drink.
"Sydney! He's here!"
"Thanks, Mum!" I shout from my room. I look out my window and see Max standing outside. He is wearing a brown winter jacket with a black sweatshirt. He sees me and waves. I quickly look away from the window. Isn't it suppose to be at eleven? I check the time - It's only.. Eleven.
"Good morning." He wishes as I walk down the driveway.
"Morning. Okay, let's go."
"Where are you going? I have a car."
I look at his direction and see a lava red Toyota Scion XD. Imported huh, I raise an eyebrow and say, "I'll walk."
"But.."
"You can ride if you want to."
"But I'll need the car for the things."
"The things." I repeat. "Right."
He escorts me to the car and that makes me uncomfortable. "Er, thanks."
"Welcome," he replies. "So where do you normally shop for provisions?" he asks as soon as he starts the engine to life.
"There's a supermarket one kilometre away from here. Usually my dad drives us there.."
"And you almost wanted to walk." Max teases and changes his mood when he sees my not-so-impressed expression. "I'm joking, okay?"
We drive in silence for a few minutes before he says, "That's a pretty necklace." It takes me a few seconds to realize that he is talking about my necklace.
"Oh, thanks."
"A present?"
"The pendant is."
"It's the shape of a heart. From someone special?" he asks. I don't even know it's heart-shaped. I look at the pendant lying on my gray shirt.
"Yeah, it's from somebody I.." Reluctant whether to choose the word love or loved, i just said, "..love."
"Ah.." Max seems surprised by my answer - because from the moment we park the car until we pay at the counter, he remains silent. I help him carry some of the paper bags.
We walk out of the supermarket and - It is snowing.
This is too much. This is just too much. The Max guy is changing every of his classes to every single class that I attend. What is wrong with him? First, language, now P.E., history, geography, arts, maths.. I try to avoid him as much as possible in class, but he just can't stop bothering me.
"Hey, Sydney! I like your blouse!" Max says when he enters for history. Everybody turns and looks at me - and my blouse. My amaranth-pink blouse, with floral patterns. Urgh, I shouldn't have taken off my jacket.
"Remind me if I ever wear this again." I tell Wilma, a girl who sits beside me during history. She nods.
"It's nice." Wilma praises. I blush. Now everybody's going to notice what I wear everyday. On second thought, maybe not. For the past two weeks, chaos has taken over my school life, thanks to Mr Campbell. But I sigh in relief when I remember that Christmas holidays are finally here, in a few days time. After the holidays, peace will be restored and my life will be back to normal - the Max guy will probably get over messing with me, at least that's what I think.
"So, are you planning anything for Christmas?" Max asks with a sudden British accent as we walk out of the class. I raise an eyebrow.
"I wonder if..We could go out. You know, I want to get some provisions - and I am still not familiarized with this new area."
I stop and turn to talk to him. "Maybe you can ask your friends." I point at a group of guys at the corner that seems to be looking and talking about us.
"I've asked them. They're too busy. Please?"
I think for a while. A schedule forms in my head. Saturday, lunch with Mum and Dad and a distant relative. Sunday, finish up homework. Monday, meet up with old friends, including Cindy. Tuesday, help with the Christmas decorations at home. Wednesday, Christmas eve, dinner with Mum and Dad. Thursday...Christmas, marks one year since I celebrated it with Cedric at 'Green Forest'..I feel a tear in my eyes and blink it off instantly.
"No, I'm...really busy too. It's only after Christmas that I'm free."
"Well, let's make it Friday then."
I purse my lips and frown. "Didn't you say you wanna get some Christmas provisions?"
"No, I said 'provisions'."
"Ohh."
"Please?" He beg again, which makes me feel bad. Who am I? It's like I'm the bad guy.
I nod. Then, regret it the next second.
"By the way, I really like your blouse. You should wear this often." He winks his signature wink and strides off down the corridor. His honey-blond hair shimmers a shade of gold as a little ray of bronze light shines in from the windows. Wow.. I think, bedazzled and shake my head from imagining wilder thoughts.
"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, children. You may all leave now." Mr Harry, my geography teacher, wishes us as soon as the bell rings, indicating the start of winter holidays.
"Merry Christmas, Mr Harry." We all wish and carry our books out of the class to our respective lockers. Chatters of excitement fills the corridor. While walking, I think of what to do this afternoon. Cindy pats my back and puts an arm on my shoulder.
"Monday, sweetie." She reminds me.
"Yeah, I remember."
"Where's Max?"
"Who?" I ask.
"Max."
"I don't know. Am I suppose to know?"
She shrugs. "I guess so. He's like your magnet."
"A magnet..."
"Don't you think so? He sticks to you. He talks to you. He.. Oh my gosh, he likes you." She widen her eyes like she has just discovered that her favourite Taylor Lautner is dating Taylor Swift.
"No, he doesn't."
"His eyes can't lie. Don't you see it? I can't believe I just realized this. Of course he likes you. He has been flirting with you.." She gasps. "You have an admirer, Sydney."
"Shhh. Keep it down. No, he doesn't and I don't care." I walk faster, holding my books tight. Max passes us and waves goodbye. Cindy waves back.
"Why not? He's cute. Even cuter than Cole, but of course, I still love my sweet Cole. Sydney, forget about Cedric already. He's the one."
I reach out for my locker and dump the books in. I take out other books that I need for homework, put them in my bag, and shut the door close.
"Oh,..I..I'm sorry, Syd. I didn't mean that. It's just.." Cindy apologizes.
"S'kay, Cindy." I say, my hands still pressing onto the door. I look down. Cedric.. It's been a while since someone calls his name in front of me. "I'm just not ready for any other.." I sigh. "See you on Monday." I tell her and walk away.
"Bye.." Cindy says.
After lunch I go up, shut my room door and plunge to the bed - hitting the edge of it on my head. "Oww." My eyes are like two heavy metal doors, forcing themselves to open but can't because they're rusty. Although I feel tired, my mind just can't rest. I lie on the bed for an hour - barely getting any sleep. By then, I don't want to sleep anymore. It's even tiring, waiting to get to sleep. I sit at my table and take out some English books from my bag. Somehow, unintentionally, I open my drawer. The small stone greets me with a shine - And I get an idea. With one swift movement, I grab the pendant and head out of the room.
"Where are you going?" Mum asks when she sees my getting my keys.
"To the shop."
"Be careful. It's cold out there. Don't stay too long."
"Alright."
It's drizzling outside but I ignore the drops. I put on the hood of my jacket and start walking. The journey to the jewellery shop takes me about roughly 15 minutes. I pull out the gift from Cedric and show it to the owner. "May I have a chain for this. Er, not too expensive."
"Here you go." The owner hands me a thin sterling silver. I hook the pendant onto the chain. Perfect. This will be my Christmas present.
"It's a beautiful pendant. May I have a look at it?" She asks.
"Sure." I give it to her, proud that it's mine.
"It's rare. It's a combination of Persian blue and midnight green. A fine combination.. But I'm not sure what it's called, though I've seen this before. Do you know?" This lady seems to know a lot about crystals.
"I don't know. My..boyfriend gave it to me."
"Is he from the South?"
"The South?"
"Yeah, I think this is from the South, somewhere.. I've seen it before when I was on a trip there." She returns my treasure. I pay her the money for the silver chain and walk out.
"The South?" I whisper to myself. "Cedric didn't tell me.. It's rare. It has to be expensive. And it's from the South. The South.." I repeat. Suddenly it hits me. He knows he's going South - but why doesn't he tell me? I feel a pang of disappointment. He doesn't want me go looking for him. But why?
"Oh, what's the use if I know this? It's not like I can fly to see him now. Cedric.."
Saturday and Sunday are boring while Monday is a little bit depressing. My old friends from primary, Fion, Queenie, Jamie talk about boyfriends the whole time. Cindy and Haylie talked about the seas. Apparently, Haylie is in the nature club and she says that nature is being terribly destroyed. "It is our duty to save the poor nature."
"Yes." Cindy agrees. I just nod, not really in a mood for this topic now. Thursday, I have to go to 'Green Forest' I think to myself.
Today is Friday. I moan, thinking that I'll have to go out later.
Two days ago, I celebrate Christmas with Mum and Dad. After dinner, we sit at the fireplace, enjoying the family moment.
"It's weird. It hasn't snowed this year." Dad says.
"Yeah.. Remember those days? We used to play snowball fight outside, in Christmas morning. We would build mini snow forts. Dad always loses when I team up with you, right, honey?" Mum runs her fingers down my hair.
"Yes." I laugh, remembering how Dad used to be all wet from the snowballs that we throw.
"Sad, it's not snowing yet. Perhaps it will tomorrow." Mum says.
And the sky still refuses to let its white flakes fall the next day. Instead, the air is just still - even my neighbour's wind chimes do not tinkle it's sweet melody. But I still carry on my plan. At night, I visit 'Green Forest'. It feels weird being in there again. The last time, Cedric has prepared a candle-lit dinner - an unforgettable night which now seems to be just a distant memory. This is where I celebrated his 17th birthday too. I sip a glass of orange juice, sitting by the window, looking up into the clear, dark blue sky. The sky, the one and only thing that connects me with Cedric now - now that I can't see him, I'll just have to look at it, hoping that he's doing the same too. "Merry Christmas, Cedric." I wish into mid air. My hands touch the pendant that is now a necklace hanging around my usually-bare neck. At the other corner of the hall, a family is having a party. They ask me if I would like to join them but I decline the invitation with a 'thank you' and head out to the street after finishing my drink.
"Sydney! He's here!"
"Thanks, Mum!" I shout from my room. I look out my window and see Max standing outside. He is wearing a brown winter jacket with a black sweatshirt. He sees me and waves. I quickly look away from the window. Isn't it suppose to be at eleven? I check the time - It's only.. Eleven.
"Good morning." He wishes as I walk down the driveway.
"Morning. Okay, let's go."
"Where are you going? I have a car."
I look at his direction and see a lava red Toyota Scion XD. Imported huh, I raise an eyebrow and say, "I'll walk."
"But.."
"You can ride if you want to."
"But I'll need the car for the things."
"The things." I repeat. "Right."
He escorts me to the car and that makes me uncomfortable. "Er, thanks."
"Welcome," he replies. "So where do you normally shop for provisions?" he asks as soon as he starts the engine to life.
"There's a supermarket one kilometre away from here. Usually my dad drives us there.."
"And you almost wanted to walk." Max teases and changes his mood when he sees my not-so-impressed expression. "I'm joking, okay?"
We drive in silence for a few minutes before he says, "That's a pretty necklace." It takes me a few seconds to realize that he is talking about my necklace.
"Oh, thanks."
"A present?"
"The pendant is."
"It's the shape of a heart. From someone special?" he asks. I don't even know it's heart-shaped. I look at the pendant lying on my gray shirt.
"Yeah, it's from somebody I.." Reluctant whether to choose the word love or loved, i just said, "..love."
"Ah.." Max seems surprised by my answer - because from the moment we park the car until we pay at the counter, he remains silent. I help him carry some of the paper bags.
We walk out of the supermarket and - It is snowing.
Promise (10)
Chapter 9 : Familiar
One month till Christmas..
"Candy canes! Candies!" Someone is yelling at the side of the road. It is a bright and sunny day. It hasn't snowed but the temperature is as low as the temperature in a double-sized freezer. Everyone walking on the street are rushing from shops to shops, stalls to stalls, shopping for Christmas.
"Mummy, I want toy." A girl tells her mum, pointing at a toy emporium on my left.
"What toy, sweetheart?"
"That one!" She jumps as she shows. Both the mother and child walk into the emporium. I decide to enter it too.
It is amazing. There are toy trains, doll houses, christmas trees, toy guns, plush toys and all the toys you can ever think of in this place. Children are running, chasing and bumping into each other as they shout. I can't help but to smile. I walk deeper into the store. It's magical.
I know that I won't get anything, just seeing is good enough. So I turn, to head back. As I cross the counter, I see a guy putting some money into the donation box while paying for something, a music box. He looks content. Christmas should be about giving, I remember Mum saying. I figure that if everybody does charity, it'll be like Christmas everyday. Happiness will always exist.
A glow shines from the outside, towards the direction of the counter, towards me, blinding my eyes for a moment. It is the intense light reflection of a car window. Despite my eyes being distracted by the blazing ray, I notice something else. Something, caramel-coloured? I think.
As the glow disappears the caramel-coloured sparkle disappears as well. Huh. By then, the generous guy already is outside, walking in front of the glass display-window of the emporium that separates it from the outer world.
He looks familiar, I notice.
Somewhere, somehow, I've seen him before, but where? I know that there are many people in the world that you consider familiar, but he is different. It's like I know him. I rush out of the store and look around. He's gone. "Candy canes! Candies!" The person at the candy shop is still attracting customers, at least, trying to. I feel my phone vibrating and take it out from the left pocket. Emma's name is on the caller ID. "Hi, Emma."
"Hi, Syd. Wanna hang out tonight? Aunty Anne's."
I think for a while. No plans tonight. "Okay, see you then."
"So, how's the investigation going?" I ask them as soon as I reach the girls.
"One sour-cream pretzel, please," Cindy orders and looks at me, "It's fine."
"Yeah, the bully apologized, his family apologized to the other family and case solved." Emma adds in.
"Huh?" I ask, a little blur.
"Haha. Never mind. It's just that, the bully promised not to do it again. The other boy who got punched and kicked, forgived him. That's all." Cindy further explains.
"Hmm. People nowadays.. At least he knows he's wrong, the bully I mean.."
"Two original pretzels, please." Emma orders and winks at me. I wink back.
After the hang out, I split with my friends. We head back to our own homes. The weather is getting chilly again. I slip my hand into the pockets and quicken my walking pace. Two minutes and I'll freeze, I exaggerate. Aunty Anne's is near my house, it's located at the same road as my school. So, I'll be home in no time. "Sydney!"
I turn to my right. I see a person, but only the shape of its being, like a shadow. It's so dark. The person move forward. It startle me and my body reacts by moving a few steps back, keeping the space between the stranger and me. We move in synchronization. I plan in my head, if anything goes wrong I'll run. No, I'll take off now. The next moment we are under one of the street lights. He is smiling at me. I can finally see this stranger for the first time. No, this is not the first time..
Suddenly I remember. The guy from my dream. The guy I see this morning in the toy store. This guy standing in front of me now. They are the same person. My mouth drop open. The caramel-coloured eyes. The hair. The smile. My dream is coming to life. I touch my forehead, fever? Why am I hallucinating?
The next thing I know, I am running. Yes, as far as I remember, I freeze in the dream. Run!
Then I stop after a few meters and turn around.
He's still looking.
"He knows my name?" I realize.
"Are you gonna continue running?" he asks loudly although there is no need for that. It's pretty quiet.
He walks toward me and stop, leaving some space in between. "Are you afraid of me?"
"Why should I? I...I'm not." I lie. Don't talk to strangers, honey, Mum's advice repeats several times in my head. "You know what? I got to go. I'm in a rush."
"I called you twice." He says. "You didn't go to the foyer when I ask you to."
"Ohh, you are that guy?" I ask.
He brush his hair with his fingers. "Well, yeah."
"I guess I should introduce myself, huh," he continues.
"Yes." I nod.
"I'm your new schoolmate. Just moved to this school a month ago. My name is Max Campbell. People call me Max.. You've never seen me in school?"
"No." I shake my head.
"Well, I saw you walking with your friends at the corridor on my first day.."
"And thought of stalking me by asking for my number in the office," I finish.
"Stalking.. It's a powerful word. It's more like wanna-get-to-know-you-better." He place his hands into his jeans pocket.
"But still.. look. I have to go, okay? Have a good evening." I turn to walk home.
"Let me walk you home." This time, he is beside me, walking too.
"No."
"It's dangerous."
"Dangerous.." I repeat.
"You think I'm kidding? There are many bad guys nowadays."
I give him a look. Look who's talking..
"I appreciate your help. But, it's really fine. Thank you." I decide to be polite, remembering that scene this afternoon. Finally he stop following. He must have thought that he's creeping me out - I am creeped out.
"Boo!"
I jump from my seat. "Cindy! Don't do that!"
"Somebody's daydreaming!" she says.
"No, I'm not." I defend.
"I didn't say it was you. Anyway, yeah, you are daydreaming. What are you thinking?" she asks as she takes her seat next to me. Today, we're learning Italian for language class.
"Nothing."
"Come on."
"Nothing." I stare at the blank blackboard in front. Just then Emma arrives at the front door - with Mr Ray, our language teacher and someone else behind her. It's him.
"Argh." I moan.
"What?" Cindy asks.
"Alright, students. Good morning. Today, I would like to announce that Max Campbell will now be joining us for language. Let's welcome him, shall we? Thank you." He shows Max to an empty seat a few rows in front of us and walks back to the front to continue last week's lesson.
Emma joins us at the table.
"Ohh, cutie. Which class was he from?" Cindy asks and looks at us.
"I don't know," Emma replies.
I shrug nonchalantly.
Cedric, two months since I last met you.. How are you doing?
One month till Christmas..
"Candy canes! Candies!" Someone is yelling at the side of the road. It is a bright and sunny day. It hasn't snowed but the temperature is as low as the temperature in a double-sized freezer. Everyone walking on the street are rushing from shops to shops, stalls to stalls, shopping for Christmas.
"Mummy, I want toy." A girl tells her mum, pointing at a toy emporium on my left.
"What toy, sweetheart?"
"That one!" She jumps as she shows. Both the mother and child walk into the emporium. I decide to enter it too.
It is amazing. There are toy trains, doll houses, christmas trees, toy guns, plush toys and all the toys you can ever think of in this place. Children are running, chasing and bumping into each other as they shout. I can't help but to smile. I walk deeper into the store. It's magical.
I know that I won't get anything, just seeing is good enough. So I turn, to head back. As I cross the counter, I see a guy putting some money into the donation box while paying for something, a music box. He looks content. Christmas should be about giving, I remember Mum saying. I figure that if everybody does charity, it'll be like Christmas everyday. Happiness will always exist.
A glow shines from the outside, towards the direction of the counter, towards me, blinding my eyes for a moment. It is the intense light reflection of a car window. Despite my eyes being distracted by the blazing ray, I notice something else. Something, caramel-coloured? I think.
As the glow disappears the caramel-coloured sparkle disappears as well. Huh. By then, the generous guy already is outside, walking in front of the glass display-window of the emporium that separates it from the outer world.
He looks familiar, I notice.
Somewhere, somehow, I've seen him before, but where? I know that there are many people in the world that you consider familiar, but he is different. It's like I know him. I rush out of the store and look around. He's gone. "Candy canes! Candies!" The person at the candy shop is still attracting customers, at least, trying to. I feel my phone vibrating and take it out from the left pocket. Emma's name is on the caller ID. "Hi, Emma."
"Hi, Syd. Wanna hang out tonight? Aunty Anne's."
I think for a while. No plans tonight. "Okay, see you then."
"So, how's the investigation going?" I ask them as soon as I reach the girls.
"One sour-cream pretzel, please," Cindy orders and looks at me, "It's fine."
"Yeah, the bully apologized, his family apologized to the other family and case solved." Emma adds in.
"Huh?" I ask, a little blur.
"Haha. Never mind. It's just that, the bully promised not to do it again. The other boy who got punched and kicked, forgived him. That's all." Cindy further explains.
"Hmm. People nowadays.. At least he knows he's wrong, the bully I mean.."
"Two original pretzels, please." Emma orders and winks at me. I wink back.
After the hang out, I split with my friends. We head back to our own homes. The weather is getting chilly again. I slip my hand into the pockets and quicken my walking pace. Two minutes and I'll freeze, I exaggerate. Aunty Anne's is near my house, it's located at the same road as my school. So, I'll be home in no time. "Sydney!"
I turn to my right. I see a person, but only the shape of its being, like a shadow. It's so dark. The person move forward. It startle me and my body reacts by moving a few steps back, keeping the space between the stranger and me. We move in synchronization. I plan in my head, if anything goes wrong I'll run. No, I'll take off now. The next moment we are under one of the street lights. He is smiling at me. I can finally see this stranger for the first time. No, this is not the first time..
Suddenly I remember. The guy from my dream. The guy I see this morning in the toy store. This guy standing in front of me now. They are the same person. My mouth drop open. The caramel-coloured eyes. The hair. The smile. My dream is coming to life. I touch my forehead, fever? Why am I hallucinating?
The next thing I know, I am running. Yes, as far as I remember, I freeze in the dream. Run!
Then I stop after a few meters and turn around.
He's still looking.
"He knows my name?" I realize.
"Are you gonna continue running?" he asks loudly although there is no need for that. It's pretty quiet.
He walks toward me and stop, leaving some space in between. "Are you afraid of me?"
"Why should I? I...I'm not." I lie. Don't talk to strangers, honey, Mum's advice repeats several times in my head. "You know what? I got to go. I'm in a rush."
"I called you twice." He says. "You didn't go to the foyer when I ask you to."
"Ohh, you are that guy?" I ask.
He brush his hair with his fingers. "Well, yeah."
"I guess I should introduce myself, huh," he continues.
"Yes." I nod.
"I'm your new schoolmate. Just moved to this school a month ago. My name is Max Campbell. People call me Max.. You've never seen me in school?"
"No." I shake my head.
"Well, I saw you walking with your friends at the corridor on my first day.."
"And thought of stalking me by asking for my number in the office," I finish.
"Stalking.. It's a powerful word. It's more like wanna-get-to-know-you-better." He place his hands into his jeans pocket.
"But still.. look. I have to go, okay? Have a good evening." I turn to walk home.
"Let me walk you home." This time, he is beside me, walking too.
"No."
"It's dangerous."
"Dangerous.." I repeat.
"You think I'm kidding? There are many bad guys nowadays."
I give him a look. Look who's talking..
"I appreciate your help. But, it's really fine. Thank you." I decide to be polite, remembering that scene this afternoon. Finally he stop following. He must have thought that he's creeping me out - I am creeped out.
"Boo!"
I jump from my seat. "Cindy! Don't do that!"
"Somebody's daydreaming!" she says.
"No, I'm not." I defend.
"I didn't say it was you. Anyway, yeah, you are daydreaming. What are you thinking?" she asks as she takes her seat next to me. Today, we're learning Italian for language class.
"Nothing."
"Come on."
"Nothing." I stare at the blank blackboard in front. Just then Emma arrives at the front door - with Mr Ray, our language teacher and someone else behind her. It's him.
"Argh." I moan.
"What?" Cindy asks.
"Alright, students. Good morning. Today, I would like to announce that Max Campbell will now be joining us for language. Let's welcome him, shall we? Thank you." He shows Max to an empty seat a few rows in front of us and walks back to the front to continue last week's lesson.
Emma joins us at the table.
"Ohh, cutie. Which class was he from?" Cindy asks and looks at us.
"I don't know," Emma replies.
I shrug nonchalantly.
Cedric, two months since I last met you.. How are you doing?
2012 (film)
21 Disember, 2012.
That's what it says, dooms day.
:O
Today, I queued up to buy tickets for the movie 2012 for an hour. But you know what? It's worth it. The movie will never get you bored although it's two and a half hours long. Two and a half hours of action, sadness, lol-ness and even a lil' twist of romance. But mostly action. xD
Action
The visual and effects are awesome. Some of the scenes just make you hold your breathe. Careful: You may tend to squeeze your own hand, covering your mouth at the same time. In your heart, it says, "Quick! Run! Don't die! No! The earth's splitting! Hurry!" When watching it, you feel the blood rush, the adrenaline conquers your body. You freeze and just can't take your eyes of the screen.
Sad
This movie is rather sad. I cried. I even used tissues (took them out without looking into my bag - like I said - can't take your eyes off) Characters wish their loved ones goodbye, some never have the chance.. Some sacrifice themselves to save others.. Seeing the cars, homes, buildings, grasslands, and almost everything either being swallowed by the violent, raging earth or giant tsunamis. It's really sad. It's worse when you see people, running and crying for help, with no where to go.. see them perish into the earth (or flushed away to death by the tidal waves). Some people just wait and pray till the time comes. Millions die, within seconds. Careful : Do not wear heavy make-ups, unless you are sure you won't shed a tear.
Funny
Of course, there are also funny moments in this movie. Without this element, it'll be too depressing and emotional. When you think things are getting even more serious, some moments, even when human populations are at stake, just crack you up, sending everyone in the cinema laughing and clapping.
Romance
Although it's an action film-disaster movie, i think the ending is rather romantic. If you're a fan of romance (like me!), you will still love this movie, not just because of its ending, but also because of its overall performance which gives you a satisfying feel and a sense of awareness about our world.
We Were Warned
So for those of you who haven't watched this movie, watch it! If you never plan to watch it, consider again! It's really awesome (with the exclamation point) (!)
-michelle :)
fear of the end of the world : doomsday phobia
ps: i especially like Johann Urb (Sasha in the movie) !! - found out that we share the same birthday - 24th jan!!
one word i rarely use...HOTNESS~ too bad girls, he's married.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Promise (9)
Chapter 8 : Stalker?
I have to move on... I have to move on... I keep telling myself ever since the day he left. My wound in my heart hasn't healed itself, but I have to be strong. I know it, he knows it too.
"He what??" Cindy asks with a great horrific expression as we walk to class.
"Sydney.." Emma adds in.
"I'm fine, guys." I lie. They don't have to suffer with me. The only reason I tell them is because Cindy will find out sooner or later - about Cedric. It's so weird saying his name. Cedric.
"Hmm... Okay, let's, er.. hang out after school!" Cindy suggests, hopping a little and smiling at the same time. I see Emma nudge her elbow from the corner of my eye.
"Ow! What?" Cindy cries out. She rubs her elbow for several seconds and then looks at me looking at her. Both of them look at me.
I walk and stand in front of the girls, facing them.
"Look, I'm fine." I repeat. I don't want them to feel awkward with me. Just because I lose a boyfriend, doesn't mean that I have to lose them too. They are too precious. "Let's have ice-cream later." I said after a while.
We all look at each other, and laugh.
Cedric..how are you today? It has been a month. You haven't called or mailed me. Are you alright? I am worried. I miss you.
"SUPER-MEGA-GAJILLION-OMGNESS!!!!" Cindy shouts at the other end of the phone line. "Guess what?? Someone just asked me out!!! He's from our school. Do you know Cole? I am chatting with him online now. He's super cute. Such a sweetie! Ohhh!!! He said that we'll meet tomorrow.." She trails off.
"Tomorrow?" I ask again. "Aren't we going out for a movie?"
"Oh...Yeah. Er. Hm..."
"Never mind. Go ahead." I feel irritated. She drags me into the girls-night-out plan and now she's cancelling it. But it's not her fault. I understand - because I was once deeply and crazily in love too. I am still now - the fact that I am also a little lost in my blue imaginery sea.
"I'm so sorry, Sydney.. I am very sorry."
"What do you mean you're sorry?" I tell her. "If you're happy, I'm happy. Now, quickly pick your dress!" I hope I sound convincing enough. I think I do.
"Okay! I'll call you when I find it! Oh-em-gee. I should have cleaned my wardrobe ages ago. It's such a mess. I doubt I can find anything in there."
I smile. She's so funny. I love her for that.
"Okay, so I'll talk to you later?" she asks.
"Yeap."
I put my phone down on my study table. I sit in silence, listening to the crickets outside sing, listening to the frogs croak. The grass is still wet from evening's rain, reflecting the light from the white blue moon. It reminds me of the pendant Cedric left me. The shiny, pretty blue green crystal. I open my table drawer and find it lying with some of his other memories - a handkerchief he once lent me, a pencil he gave me, a photo of both of us and the letter of his departure - to somewhere. I sigh. I should have cleared these things a long time ago and put them aside. I feel sad. Is it worth the time thinking and waiting for him? Is the promise a true promise? I take the pendant out from the drawer, lifting it a level with my eyes. The angles of every sides of the pendant reflects the most unique colours under the moonlight.
"Sydney?" My mum knocks the door and open it. "You have a phone call."
A phone call? I think. Cindy? Nobody ever asks for me through the house phone. "Thanks."
I run down the stairs, almost trip on something on the floor and reach out to the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Sydney."
I cannot recognize this voice - but I know it is a guy.
"May I know, who is this?"
He just laughs. I tap my finger on the side table, wondering if he will answer my question.
"I know you, but I don't think you know me."
"Er, obviously." I reply short. Whoever this person is, he's a freaking stalker.
"Don't think of me that way." He just read my mind...What?
"See me at the foyer on Monday, okay? You'll know who I am." He says.
"That's the reason you called me?"
"Yeah, pretty much the reason I called you. Another thing, I just want to ask if you're okay." This guy is getting weird.
"Why? You mean, I shouldn't be?"
He is silent.
"Okay, I'll see you at the foyer.. Hold on, you're in the same school?"
And he hangs up. I look at the phone on my hand, staring in disbelief. "I'm so not seeing you. Why must I?"
I tell nothing about the misterious guy who called three nights ago. "So, how was your date?" I ask Cindy.
"Well, it was a peaceful date. But I like it," she just says. Peaceful. I wonder if Cole will freak out if he knows Cindy's..loud. I laugh to myself.
"What?"
I guess she must have heard me.
"I wonder.. about the peaceful thing."
"Girls change, dear," she blushes. From the other end of the corridor, Emma comes running towards us.
"Ciinndyyyy!" She reaches us, still panting. She takes in a few breath of air and continues, "Miss Fish wants to see you, us."
"Oh, must be about the bully case."
"What bully case?" I ask.
"Nah.. It's just something I have to help, for investigation. Byes, see you later, Sydney!"
Both of them disappear within seconds in a crowd of schoolmates.
I walk to the foyer, then I remember. I look around to see if anybody is waiting there. No, there isn't. With a breath of relief I walk out towards the main gate.
That night, he calls again.
"Hello?" I recognize his voice this time.
"Yeah, Sydney here."
"You didn't come today.."
"Yeah." I am so not in the mood for games. "Why not you just tell me who you are and what exactly do you want?" I have to be more defensive and protective of myself - since Cedric's not here to, protect me. I don't know this guy.
"I am a new student."
Wow, that's a clue, I think, sarcastically.
"How did you know my number?" I ask, a little curious this time.
"The students' register, in the office."
"Ohh."
"Well, good night then. See you tomorrow."
"Er, good night."
"Who's that?" Dad asks as soon as I walk to the living room.
"I don't know."
"Ohh."
I laugh. He's reaction is the same as mine - Ohh. How alike can we be? I sit and watch tv with him. Mum brought popcorns into the room. We watch together then. It is like there are no worries at that moment. I am back to when I was four. Mum and Dad would always sit and play with me the whole day.
I will accept, whatever happens next..
I have to move on... I have to move on... I keep telling myself ever since the day he left. My wound in my heart hasn't healed itself, but I have to be strong. I know it, he knows it too.
"He what??" Cindy asks with a great horrific expression as we walk to class.
"Sydney.." Emma adds in.
"I'm fine, guys." I lie. They don't have to suffer with me. The only reason I tell them is because Cindy will find out sooner or later - about Cedric. It's so weird saying his name. Cedric.
"Hmm... Okay, let's, er.. hang out after school!" Cindy suggests, hopping a little and smiling at the same time. I see Emma nudge her elbow from the corner of my eye.
"Ow! What?" Cindy cries out. She rubs her elbow for several seconds and then looks at me looking at her. Both of them look at me.
I walk and stand in front of the girls, facing them.
"Look, I'm fine." I repeat. I don't want them to feel awkward with me. Just because I lose a boyfriend, doesn't mean that I have to lose them too. They are too precious. "Let's have ice-cream later." I said after a while.
We all look at each other, and laugh.
Cedric..how are you today? It has been a month. You haven't called or mailed me. Are you alright? I am worried. I miss you.
"SUPER-MEGA-GAJILLION-OMGNESS!!!!" Cindy shouts at the other end of the phone line. "Guess what?? Someone just asked me out!!! He's from our school. Do you know Cole? I am chatting with him online now. He's super cute. Such a sweetie! Ohhh!!! He said that we'll meet tomorrow.." She trails off.
"Tomorrow?" I ask again. "Aren't we going out for a movie?"
"Oh...Yeah. Er. Hm..."
"Never mind. Go ahead." I feel irritated. She drags me into the girls-night-out plan and now she's cancelling it. But it's not her fault. I understand - because I was once deeply and crazily in love too. I am still now - the fact that I am also a little lost in my blue imaginery sea.
"I'm so sorry, Sydney.. I am very sorry."
"What do you mean you're sorry?" I tell her. "If you're happy, I'm happy. Now, quickly pick your dress!" I hope I sound convincing enough. I think I do.
"Okay! I'll call you when I find it! Oh-em-gee. I should have cleaned my wardrobe ages ago. It's such a mess. I doubt I can find anything in there."
I smile. She's so funny. I love her for that.
"Okay, so I'll talk to you later?" she asks.
"Yeap."
I put my phone down on my study table. I sit in silence, listening to the crickets outside sing, listening to the frogs croak. The grass is still wet from evening's rain, reflecting the light from the white blue moon. It reminds me of the pendant Cedric left me. The shiny, pretty blue green crystal. I open my table drawer and find it lying with some of his other memories - a handkerchief he once lent me, a pencil he gave me, a photo of both of us and the letter of his departure - to somewhere. I sigh. I should have cleared these things a long time ago and put them aside. I feel sad. Is it worth the time thinking and waiting for him? Is the promise a true promise? I take the pendant out from the drawer, lifting it a level with my eyes. The angles of every sides of the pendant reflects the most unique colours under the moonlight.
"Sydney?" My mum knocks the door and open it. "You have a phone call."
A phone call? I think. Cindy? Nobody ever asks for me through the house phone. "Thanks."
I run down the stairs, almost trip on something on the floor and reach out to the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Sydney."
I cannot recognize this voice - but I know it is a guy.
"May I know, who is this?"
He just laughs. I tap my finger on the side table, wondering if he will answer my question.
"I know you, but I don't think you know me."
"Er, obviously." I reply short. Whoever this person is, he's a freaking stalker.
"Don't think of me that way." He just read my mind...What?
"See me at the foyer on Monday, okay? You'll know who I am." He says.
"That's the reason you called me?"
"Yeah, pretty much the reason I called you. Another thing, I just want to ask if you're okay." This guy is getting weird.
"Why? You mean, I shouldn't be?"
He is silent.
"Okay, I'll see you at the foyer.. Hold on, you're in the same school?"
And he hangs up. I look at the phone on my hand, staring in disbelief. "I'm so not seeing you. Why must I?"
I tell nothing about the misterious guy who called three nights ago. "So, how was your date?" I ask Cindy.
"Well, it was a peaceful date. But I like it," she just says. Peaceful. I wonder if Cole will freak out if he knows Cindy's..loud. I laugh to myself.
"What?"
I guess she must have heard me.
"I wonder.. about the peaceful thing."
"Girls change, dear," she blushes. From the other end of the corridor, Emma comes running towards us.
"Ciinndyyyy!" She reaches us, still panting. She takes in a few breath of air and continues, "Miss Fish wants to see you, us."
"Oh, must be about the bully case."
"What bully case?" I ask.
"Nah.. It's just something I have to help, for investigation. Byes, see you later, Sydney!"
Both of them disappear within seconds in a crowd of schoolmates.
I walk to the foyer, then I remember. I look around to see if anybody is waiting there. No, there isn't. With a breath of relief I walk out towards the main gate.
That night, he calls again.
"Hello?" I recognize his voice this time.
"Yeah, Sydney here."
"You didn't come today.."
"Yeah." I am so not in the mood for games. "Why not you just tell me who you are and what exactly do you want?" I have to be more defensive and protective of myself - since Cedric's not here to, protect me. I don't know this guy.
"I am a new student."
Wow, that's a clue, I think, sarcastically.
"How did you know my number?" I ask, a little curious this time.
"The students' register, in the office."
"Ohh."
"Well, good night then. See you tomorrow."
"Er, good night."
"Who's that?" Dad asks as soon as I walk to the living room.
"I don't know."
"Ohh."
I laugh. He's reaction is the same as mine - Ohh. How alike can we be? I sit and watch tv with him. Mum brought popcorns into the room. We watch together then. It is like there are no worries at that moment. I am back to when I was four. Mum and Dad would always sit and play with me the whole day.
I will accept, whatever happens next..
Thursday, November 12, 2009
DROPS
We have food, clothes, water and a place called home.
Today, I want to talk about water. Water is so important to humans, animals and plants. Everywhere, there is water. Lakes, rivers, seas... However, we lack of appreciation.
For example, when we wash our cars, the water is left running when it is not in use. What is so difficult just to turn off the tap? Let's say.. in 1 minute, 1 litre of water runs out off the hose, how much water will be wasted in just 5 minutes? 10 minutes? half an hour? one hour??
If you say, "I pay for the water, so what?" , "I can afford to pay the water bil." ...
Today, I want to talk about water. Water is so important to humans, animals and plants. Everywhere, there is water. Lakes, rivers, seas... However, we lack of appreciation.
For example, when we wash our cars, the water is left running when it is not in use. What is so difficult just to turn off the tap? Let's say.. in 1 minute, 1 litre of water runs out off the hose, how much water will be wasted in just 5 minutes? 10 minutes? half an hour? one hour??
If you say, "I pay for the water, so what?" , "I can afford to pay the water bil." ...
-you are kinda selfish-
It's not about whether you are able to or not. It's about letting the water to waste. TO WASTE.
Imagine half the population of the world wastes water. Soon, we'll run out of this blessed gift. What will happen to us then? Stop wasting - water and not only that, food etc. JUST STOP WASTING already. If we continue this reckless act, it'll only affect us, inhabitants.
Think of some places in the world, where water crisis is affecting children and family.
Do our part. Save water.
:) :D xD
Promise (8)
Chapter 7 : Lost
I can't believe what just happened.
I stand still beside my bed, unable to make sense out of everything. Am I dreaming? Where is Cedric? I have to be sleeping.. and dreaming - a really bad dream. I am seeing Cedric tomorrow. I am very excited.. Yes, I am excited. I have to get a good sleep before dawn breaks. I have to wake up, drink a glass of water and go back to a quiet sleep. But what am I doing? I can't move. My hand is still holding the letter. Tears start prickling, but I ignore them. Wake up, Sydney. This is a bad dream. Wake up... Why aren't you?
I can't help but fall right onto the floor. I can't feel my body. I can't feel anything. This can't be real. Impossible. I look around. I'm in my room, perfectly dressed except that my jacket has been taken off. It is not a dream, something in my head tells me. No, I fight. I look at the clock. It's eight. I touch my rug on the floor, my bed... Everything is just real. You can never see things so clear in a dream, the voice said again. This time, I have enough. I am getting mad. I shout and scream. I want to wake up! Why am I trapped in this horrible, stupid nightmare? I shout and throw the letter away like it will turn into golden dust and disappear in the air.
"Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I jump. "Nooo!"
"Sydney?" Mum opens the door. I start messing the blankets and bedsheets.
"Sydney? What's wrong? Honey?"
I still continue screaming and shouting. I will not believe a single thing that is happening, I will not believe a single thing.. I chant in my mind. This is a nightmare.
The next thing I know, a familiar pair of arms wrap around me. It's my mum. I stop the noise immediately. That is when Dad comes to see what is happening too.
"Sydney, are you alright?"
"Mum..." I sob. "Is this a dream? Tell me it is...." This time, I can't hold back any more tears. I let them run. My cheeks are wet - and they wet Mum's blouse too.
"Honey, it's not.. What exactly is wrong?"
I realize Dad is watching me very intently. I sob and try to stay calm.
"Cedric... He is..he's...."
I can't let the word out. It's more difficult saying this than suffering from a fatal disease.
"Gone."
It is not a dream after all. Mum and Dad read the letter and spend a whole hour with me in my room. They comfort and ensure me that everything will turn out fine. They will contact Cedric's family to ask more about their sudden moving. I feel useless. I am the one, being left alone and now I have to trouble them to solve my problems - problems that they have expected. I finally understand, why Mum and Dad are worried about Cedric and I. They are afraid I might get hurt. It's all my fault. I want to... I want to.. I don't know what am I going to do.
All my life, it always has been about Cedric. Now that he has left, my life has gone with him - leaving me, alone.
"We love you, Sydney. Remember that. Don't worry. Time passes quickly before you realize it." Mum and Dad take turns hugging me. After an hour, I ask if I could get some time alone. They understand and leave me in my room. I want to cry. Cry, I tell myself. There are no tears. I bite my bottom lip with irritation. Where are the tears when I need them the most? I look to the left. The pink paper is still lying on the now messy bed. I take it shakingly and read it once more.
...I will, come back to you, I promise..
He promises me. I press the paper on my chest and close my eyes - hugging it.
"You promised.." I whisper.
I can't believe what just happened.
I stand still beside my bed, unable to make sense out of everything. Am I dreaming? Where is Cedric? I have to be sleeping.. and dreaming - a really bad dream. I am seeing Cedric tomorrow. I am very excited.. Yes, I am excited. I have to get a good sleep before dawn breaks. I have to wake up, drink a glass of water and go back to a quiet sleep. But what am I doing? I can't move. My hand is still holding the letter. Tears start prickling, but I ignore them. Wake up, Sydney. This is a bad dream. Wake up... Why aren't you?
I can't help but fall right onto the floor. I can't feel my body. I can't feel anything. This can't be real. Impossible. I look around. I'm in my room, perfectly dressed except that my jacket has been taken off. It is not a dream, something in my head tells me. No, I fight. I look at the clock. It's eight. I touch my rug on the floor, my bed... Everything is just real. You can never see things so clear in a dream, the voice said again. This time, I have enough. I am getting mad. I shout and scream. I want to wake up! Why am I trapped in this horrible, stupid nightmare? I shout and throw the letter away like it will turn into golden dust and disappear in the air.
"Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I jump. "Nooo!"
"Sydney?" Mum opens the door. I start messing the blankets and bedsheets.
"Sydney? What's wrong? Honey?"
I still continue screaming and shouting. I will not believe a single thing that is happening, I will not believe a single thing.. I chant in my mind. This is a nightmare.
The next thing I know, a familiar pair of arms wrap around me. It's my mum. I stop the noise immediately. That is when Dad comes to see what is happening too.
"Sydney, are you alright?"
"Mum..." I sob. "Is this a dream? Tell me it is...." This time, I can't hold back any more tears. I let them run. My cheeks are wet - and they wet Mum's blouse too.
"Honey, it's not.. What exactly is wrong?"
I realize Dad is watching me very intently. I sob and try to stay calm.
"Cedric... He is..he's...."
I can't let the word out. It's more difficult saying this than suffering from a fatal disease.
"Gone."
It is not a dream after all. Mum and Dad read the letter and spend a whole hour with me in my room. They comfort and ensure me that everything will turn out fine. They will contact Cedric's family to ask more about their sudden moving. I feel useless. I am the one, being left alone and now I have to trouble them to solve my problems - problems that they have expected. I finally understand, why Mum and Dad are worried about Cedric and I. They are afraid I might get hurt. It's all my fault. I want to... I want to.. I don't know what am I going to do.
All my life, it always has been about Cedric. Now that he has left, my life has gone with him - leaving me, alone.
"We love you, Sydney. Remember that. Don't worry. Time passes quickly before you realize it." Mum and Dad take turns hugging me. After an hour, I ask if I could get some time alone. They understand and leave me in my room. I want to cry. Cry, I tell myself. There are no tears. I bite my bottom lip with irritation. Where are the tears when I need them the most? I look to the left. The pink paper is still lying on the now messy bed. I take it shakingly and read it once more.
...I will, come back to you, I promise..
He promises me. I press the paper on my chest and close my eyes - hugging it.
"You promised.." I whisper.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Promise (7)
Chapter 6 : The Letter
Two months later...
Hey, let's meet at 'Secret Lane' tomorrow. I'll be there by five. I read the text message Cedric sent. I feel excited because we are visiting our traditional hang-out place for my birthday a little early this year - because he will not be able to be here on my birthday, that's what he said. At least, he remembers it - and that's the more important point, isn't it?
I love 'Secret Lane'. It is like the most romantic place on earth and every romance movie should be shot at 'Secret Lane'. It is a long but narrow road that leads to somewhere that I have to find out - because there are no sign boards. When autumn arrives, the red and yellow leaves of the maple trees along the road will fall. The sound of the leaves falling with the wind that blows through them is like a peaceful melody.
I reach our meeting spot at half past four. I want to be earlier than him. I laugh at myself. He will be shocked to see me here first. He must have been thinking of ways to tease me about punctuality. I am definitely not giving him the chance -the last time I was late for a class gathering and he teased me.
I walk around. At times, I will check my watch. The time seems to be ticking by really slowly. At almost five, I start to feel cold. It is getting darker and the wind is blowing harder. I put my hands into my pocket. I feel something - small and hard. I take it out.
It is a shiny blue green pendant. "What is this?" I ask myself. I have never seen this before. "How did it appear in my pocket?"
"You like it?" I hear a voice with the sound of the owner's footsteps behind me. I turn.
"Er, ..." I raise an eyebrow.
"Don't worry, it's nothing."
"It's nothing? It's beautiful."
"Yeah, it is. But don't you like it? It's for you.."
"I can't accept it, Cedric."
He reaches me and holds my cold hands with his - warm and nice. "I want you to have it." He looks at me like he means it. "Your birthday present."
"Cedric, you know I never allow you to get me a present. Same goes to this year."
He hugs me - real tight. "Er, Cedric... haha. I can't breathe.."
I gasp for air as he releases his grip a little. I return his hug. I wrap his body with my arms that don't seem long enough. I release them after a while to continue telling him that I don't need a present.
"Cedric..." I stop. His face is different now. There are lines forming on his forehead - like he has aged a few years. His mouth is no longer in a smile. His eyes look like they are about to well up. He looks so... weak. I look at him - and he avoids my gaze.
"Cedric, look at me." I hold his cheek with my palms so that his eyes look straight at me. "What's wrong?"
He stares and then smiles again. "Nothing. Just upset that you don't want this present. I bought it with my own savings." He chuckles.
I give a sigh of relief. As if there is something worse than this now. Of course he is upset. I totally ignore his feelings. But something still feels wrong.
"Fine. I'll keep this." I smile back, holding the pendant in my palm and waving it at him. "Thank you, it's really beautiful."
And he hugs me again.
"Mum! I'm back!" I call out as soon as I reach home. I throw my bag and jacket to the corner - and fall right onto the couch. My legs feel so heavy and tired. But it is simply wonderful, and perfect. Cedric and I walk down the road for quite a long time, just holding hands and enjoying the moment. That magical feeling never bores me. Never disappears.
"Sydney?" Dad calls me from his study.
"Yeah?"
"I think I heard the letter box closed, just after you left this evening. Do you mind taking the letters in?"
"Er..okay." I mumble.
I get up, unwillingly, towards the door.
I open the letter box. A few letters are in it. I check them one by one. A letter from my dad's company, a postcard from my aunt living in Canada, a flyer from a delivery company and.. one for me - with no sender on the envelope. I walk back into the house. After giving my dad the mails, I head to my room with my bag, jacket and the letter.
I open the envelope. Inside it is a pink paper with black ink staining the corners of it. I open the paper folded in half. I recognise right away that it is Cedric's handwriting. I begin reading its contents.
Hey, Sydney.
It's me Cedric. Er.. you must be thinking why I wrote this letter for you.. I want to tell you something. But I can't tell in front of you. I just can't bring myself to see your reaction after I tell you this..
I am moving. I am. Please, finish reading this before you do anything else. I beg you.
I knew that I was leaving.. two months ago. When I was told about it, I was devastated. I was hurt. I didn't want to leave you. But nothing could change my dad's decision. I have to leave. I don't know where I'm going though. He won't tell me.
Please, don't cry. I know I'm selfish for not telling you.. I am leaving tonight. I want to see you one last time before I go. No, don't come to the airport. I am already in the plane when you read this. I didnt want you to send me because I know you'll be sad or maybe crying. I want to see and remember your happy face - so that I will have something to hold on to when I am away. The sweet girl I have always love, don't cry.. Oh, I'm so sorry.. I hate myself for this. But I will return, someday. I don't know when.. maybe months, or years later..
But I will, come back to you, I promise..
I love you.
Two months later...
Hey, let's meet at 'Secret Lane' tomorrow. I'll be there by five. I read the text message Cedric sent. I feel excited because we are visiting our traditional hang-out place for my birthday a little early this year - because he will not be able to be here on my birthday, that's what he said. At least, he remembers it - and that's the more important point, isn't it?
I love 'Secret Lane'. It is like the most romantic place on earth and every romance movie should be shot at 'Secret Lane'. It is a long but narrow road that leads to somewhere that I have to find out - because there are no sign boards. When autumn arrives, the red and yellow leaves of the maple trees along the road will fall. The sound of the leaves falling with the wind that blows through them is like a peaceful melody.
I reach our meeting spot at half past four. I want to be earlier than him. I laugh at myself. He will be shocked to see me here first. He must have been thinking of ways to tease me about punctuality. I am definitely not giving him the chance -the last time I was late for a class gathering and he teased me.
I walk around. At times, I will check my watch. The time seems to be ticking by really slowly. At almost five, I start to feel cold. It is getting darker and the wind is blowing harder. I put my hands into my pocket. I feel something - small and hard. I take it out.
It is a shiny blue green pendant. "What is this?" I ask myself. I have never seen this before. "How did it appear in my pocket?"
"You like it?" I hear a voice with the sound of the owner's footsteps behind me. I turn.
"Er, ..." I raise an eyebrow.
"Don't worry, it's nothing."
"It's nothing? It's beautiful."
"Yeah, it is. But don't you like it? It's for you.."
"I can't accept it, Cedric."
He reaches me and holds my cold hands with his - warm and nice. "I want you to have it." He looks at me like he means it. "Your birthday present."
"Cedric, you know I never allow you to get me a present. Same goes to this year."
He hugs me - real tight. "Er, Cedric... haha. I can't breathe.."
I gasp for air as he releases his grip a little. I return his hug. I wrap his body with my arms that don't seem long enough. I release them after a while to continue telling him that I don't need a present.
"Cedric..." I stop. His face is different now. There are lines forming on his forehead - like he has aged a few years. His mouth is no longer in a smile. His eyes look like they are about to well up. He looks so... weak. I look at him - and he avoids my gaze.
"Cedric, look at me." I hold his cheek with my palms so that his eyes look straight at me. "What's wrong?"
He stares and then smiles again. "Nothing. Just upset that you don't want this present. I bought it with my own savings." He chuckles.
I give a sigh of relief. As if there is something worse than this now. Of course he is upset. I totally ignore his feelings. But something still feels wrong.
"Fine. I'll keep this." I smile back, holding the pendant in my palm and waving it at him. "Thank you, it's really beautiful."
And he hugs me again.
"Mum! I'm back!" I call out as soon as I reach home. I throw my bag and jacket to the corner - and fall right onto the couch. My legs feel so heavy and tired. But it is simply wonderful, and perfect. Cedric and I walk down the road for quite a long time, just holding hands and enjoying the moment. That magical feeling never bores me. Never disappears.
"Sydney?" Dad calls me from his study.
"Yeah?"
"I think I heard the letter box closed, just after you left this evening. Do you mind taking the letters in?"
"Er..okay." I mumble.
I get up, unwillingly, towards the door.
I open the letter box. A few letters are in it. I check them one by one. A letter from my dad's company, a postcard from my aunt living in Canada, a flyer from a delivery company and.. one for me - with no sender on the envelope. I walk back into the house. After giving my dad the mails, I head to my room with my bag, jacket and the letter.
I open the envelope. Inside it is a pink paper with black ink staining the corners of it. I open the paper folded in half. I recognise right away that it is Cedric's handwriting. I begin reading its contents.
Hey, Sydney.
It's me Cedric. Er.. you must be thinking why I wrote this letter for you.. I want to tell you something. But I can't tell in front of you. I just can't bring myself to see your reaction after I tell you this..
I am moving. I am. Please, finish reading this before you do anything else. I beg you.
I knew that I was leaving.. two months ago. When I was told about it, I was devastated. I was hurt. I didn't want to leave you. But nothing could change my dad's decision. I have to leave. I don't know where I'm going though. He won't tell me.
Please, don't cry. I know I'm selfish for not telling you.. I am leaving tonight. I want to see you one last time before I go. No, don't come to the airport. I am already in the plane when you read this. I didnt want you to send me because I know you'll be sad or maybe crying. I want to see and remember your happy face - so that I will have something to hold on to when I am away. The sweet girl I have always love, don't cry.. Oh, I'm so sorry.. I hate myself for this. But I will return, someday. I don't know when.. maybe months, or years later..
But I will, come back to you, I promise..
I love you.
Love, Cedric.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
THE EFFECTS OF NOT.TAKING.CARE.OF.THE.WORLD.
one day, i was at a table, doing my work, with a friend. we started talking about this movie, 2012. we discussed about how it misunderstood people. kinda. some people did not even know it was a movie. they got the wrong information. we laughed. 'the world is ending?'
me: omg...what if the world really ended..?
friend: uhhhh...
me: but don't you think it's a good way to leave?
friend: (lol) haha.
me: we'll all leave together.. (then i started singing WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! )
friend: 0.0 HAHAHAHA.
me: hahaha. perhaps i'll be the last person alive! then i can break a record! (ok, i was talking crap...break what kind of record???)
pause.
me: just that... nobody will ever know i broke a record...
friend: oh yeah....(lol)
me: nevermind ! i'll be the second last person alive then! then at least the last person will know!! (LOL)
=.=''' lol, what was i thinking? anyway, i wanna wish this friend the best of luck tomorrow for her music exam!!! GAMBATEH. :D
now, new moon ! *counts how many more days* 16 !!!
excited! *cheers*
and, i have just started reading percy jackson. another friend lent it to me today! just that...gahhhh... i haven't finished my homework...which, i have to hand in this friday. *pulls hair*
this is the result of procrastination.
very well.... signing off here now. i wanna watch some dramas..read books.. and chat !
-michelle
i look at you,
you look at her,
i hate the pain,
but what can i do,
the scar has been there,
it just needs time,
to heal itself,
and to love again...
i look at you again,
you're still looking at her,
and so, i look away,
knowing it's never,
ever gonna be me.
me: omg...what if the world really ended..?
friend: uhhhh...
me: but don't you think it's a good way to leave?
friend: (lol) haha.
me: we'll all leave together.. (then i started singing WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! )
friend: 0.0 HAHAHAHA.
me: hahaha. perhaps i'll be the last person alive! then i can break a record! (ok, i was talking crap...break what kind of record???)
pause.
me: just that... nobody will ever know i broke a record...
friend: oh yeah....(lol)
me: nevermind ! i'll be the second last person alive then! then at least the last person will know!! (LOL)
=.=''' lol, what was i thinking? anyway, i wanna wish this friend the best of luck tomorrow for her music exam!!! GAMBATEH. :D
now, new moon ! *counts how many more days* 16 !!!
excited! *cheers*
and, i have just started reading percy jackson. another friend lent it to me today! just that...gahhhh... i haven't finished my homework...which, i have to hand in this friday. *pulls hair*
this is the result of procrastination.
very well.... signing off here now. i wanna watch some dramas..read books.. and chat !
-michelle
i look at you,
you look at her,
i hate the pain,
but what can i do,
the scar has been there,
it just needs time,
to heal itself,
and to love again...
i look at you again,
you're still looking at her,
and so, i look away,
knowing it's never,
ever gonna be me.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
NEW MOON, THE BOMB !
BOOM !!
it hits the universe
:D
I just finished reading 'THE UNAUTHORISED TWILIGHT FANPIRE MAG' -dolly sept 09- borrowed from a friend. IT'S SO AWESOME. apparently, to make the vampire - Edward - in twilight sparkle, tiny CGI (computer-generated imagery) markers are used to cover his face and body. :O 'so that's how he SPARKLE SPARKLE !'
this mag is full of twilight knowledge, gossips, secrets and more knowledge - like how to style and dress up like our favourite BELLA, ALICE AND ROSALIE !. there's a sneak peek on eclipse in the magazine. it says rachelle (who plays victoria) will be replaced by Bryce Dallas Howard from spidey-man 3! NO WAYY :O
and there is a section on the best and weirdest twilight websites. HAHA. I didnt know there is a blog where fans can actually WRITE TO ROB *gasps* i also took some quizzes - TWI-Q and Rob. My results for twi-q, i'm a TWI-GENIUS. ha. "You've earned your fangs as a twilighter..." haha. for rob's quiz, i only got 23/40. but it says, IT'S TRUE LOVE~ "..you two would be perfect together!" =)
there's a quiz on taylor. but i havent took it yet.. i've got to learn more tay-knowledge before i take it. I DON'T WANNA FAIL. speaking of taylor, i can't resist his flashing, shiny, white teeth. *bling* "you're blinding me ~!!" he's such a cutie. =)
AND yeah, THERE ARE OMG-NESS POSTERS IN THE MAG TOO ! ahhhhhh !! *screams* i can't believe this is not MY MAGAZINE. whoa, wait till my friend sees this post. she'll laugh at me. "HAHAhaha."
NEW MOON COUNTDOWN : 18 more days =))
**
"I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can't make your body move fast enough."
**
-michelle CULLEN xD
Friday, November 6, 2009
LIFE WITHOUT DRAMAS WOULD BE BORING
yup.
I realized, I can't stand a day without talking about dramas. KOREAN DRAMAS, TAIWAN DRAMAS, JAPANESE DRAMAS.. so, i am just gonna go on talking about them.
so, today, i'll be kinda giving my opinions about some of the dramas, or perhaps movies too.. that I've watched. hopefully it'll make you guys - who arent drama fans yet -interested, and for those crazy fans like me *waves* let's get excited ! or not...
autumn in my heart / autumn tale
sad start, sad climax, sad ending... this drama is quite a tragedy. yet, it's full of..love, romance.. the actors are super cute. seung hun and won bin ! and the actresses are pretty. hye kyo and chae young ! i watched this drama twice. but i didn't watch the ending the first time when it was showing in tv because..i slept off. haha. NOT because it was boring !! it was so sad, okay.. ! it's just that..i really didn't know how i slept off. maybe because i was very tired. i was like eight, small kids can't control when they're sleepy. =) second time watching - still gave me the same sad feeling. it's just the part -BEWARE: IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCH THIS DRAMA (how can you not watch it yet???) PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK- when joon suh died. i remember watching him flying in the air. o.0 er..like floating... what? lol, i thought that was really weird.. but overall, you guys have to watch. OR REWATCH. lols.
next, love story in harvard
first impression : it's kim rae won !!! second impression : it's pretty kim tae hee !! this drama is actually about these korean students... studying in Harvard university. the girl (soo in) studies medicine and the guy (hyun woo) studies law. easy explanation. their love story is soo sweet and romantic ~ however, a love triangle soon complicates the whole lovey dovey thing and people get hurt. T.T but that's not the only thing that makes this love story a drama. i advise that you watch it yourself ~~ haha. oh, and for those who ask : "Kim tae hee?? the bad girl in stairway to heaven?? i hate her!" i wanna say, chill guys (girls) it's only a drama. and she was You li in stairway to heaven. it's a character. it just happens to be a bad one. haha. but don't you think that she has the potential..in acting both good and evil? :D
and i'm actually pretty tired now. cracking my brains to write these...it's been quite a while seen i watched the dramas (on top) :S
next ! hana kimi jp. vs hana kimi tw. !
there are many different thoughts out there, like: "hana kimi tw. s***." "hana kimi jp. is better." "the actress (you know who) in hana kimi tw. s***."
we don't have to be so harsh, fellow drama fans.
we just have to say, "I prefer ----" :)
like me! "When I first watched hana kimi taiwan, I loved it so much. That was how I started loving fahrenheit ! But after watching hana kimi jp. I felt that it's actually better! I prefered hana kimi. jp than the taiwan version! though, I really think both HK have their own specialty. *winks* and ella wasn't soo bad.." :)
see??
I think that's it for now. I'll continue if I feel like it. HAHA. I am gonna take a rest. ZZzz.
^.^V
-michelle
Life without dramas would be dead boring. =)
I realized, I can't stand a day without talking about dramas. KOREAN DRAMAS, TAIWAN DRAMAS, JAPANESE DRAMAS.. so, i am just gonna go on talking about them.
so, today, i'll be kinda giving my opinions about some of the dramas, or perhaps movies too.. that I've watched. hopefully it'll make you guys - who arent drama fans yet -interested, and for those crazy fans like me *waves* let's get excited ! or not...
autumn in my heart / autumn tale
sad start, sad climax, sad ending... this drama is quite a tragedy. yet, it's full of..love, romance.. the actors are super cute. seung hun and won bin ! and the actresses are pretty. hye kyo and chae young ! i watched this drama twice. but i didn't watch the ending the first time when it was showing in tv because..i slept off. haha. NOT because it was boring !! it was so sad, okay.. ! it's just that..i really didn't know how i slept off. maybe because i was very tired. i was like eight, small kids can't control when they're sleepy. =) second time watching - still gave me the same sad feeling. it's just the part -BEWARE: IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCH THIS DRAMA (how can you not watch it yet???) PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK- when joon suh died. i remember watching him flying in the air. o.0 er..like floating... what? lol, i thought that was really weird.. but overall, you guys have to watch. OR REWATCH. lols.
next, love story in harvard
first impression : it's kim rae won !!! second impression : it's pretty kim tae hee !! this drama is actually about these korean students... studying in Harvard university. the girl (soo in) studies medicine and the guy (hyun woo) studies law. easy explanation. their love story is soo sweet and romantic ~ however, a love triangle soon complicates the whole lovey dovey thing and people get hurt. T.T but that's not the only thing that makes this love story a drama. i advise that you watch it yourself ~~ haha. oh, and for those who ask : "Kim tae hee?? the bad girl in stairway to heaven?? i hate her!" i wanna say, chill guys (girls) it's only a drama. and she was You li in stairway to heaven. it's a character. it just happens to be a bad one. haha. but don't you think that she has the potential..in acting both good and evil? :D
and i'm actually pretty tired now. cracking my brains to write these...it's been quite a while seen i watched the dramas (on top) :S
next ! hana kimi jp. vs hana kimi tw. !
there are many different thoughts out there, like: "hana kimi tw. s***." "hana kimi jp. is better." "the actress (you know who) in hana kimi tw. s***."
we don't have to be so harsh, fellow drama fans.
we just have to say, "I prefer ----" :)
like me! "When I first watched hana kimi taiwan, I loved it so much. That was how I started loving fahrenheit ! But after watching hana kimi jp. I felt that it's actually better! I prefered hana kimi. jp than the taiwan version! though, I really think both HK have their own specialty. *winks* and ella wasn't soo bad.." :)
see??
I think that's it for now. I'll continue if I feel like it. HAHA. I am gonna take a rest. ZZzz.
^.^V
-michelle
THE END OF THE WORLD?
we are the world
we are the children
we are the ones who make a brighter day
so let's start giving
there's a choice we're making
we're saving our own lives
so it's true we'll make a better day
just you and me..
:)
:D
...
Right, we are going MJ today !
Actually, I am not a fan, but nevermind. I LOVEEE this song. it's just so BEAUTIFUL, don't you think so?? I just want to cry when I hear this. T^T I can't believe he is dead... OH oh oh !
And Heal the world...
...
heal the world
make it a better place
for you and for me
and the entire human race
there are people dying
if you care enough for the living
make a better place for you and me
...
I'm gonna cry.. Ok, this is freaky. I was typing the word [cry] when MJ sang [cry]. Yup, I'm listening to Heal the World now. Yes, there are people dying. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD NOW? Heal the world, people !!
I especially love this two songs of his. It's really meaningful. *sings together* *cries*
***I would like to dedicate this post to my cousin ! rach ! don't be sad.. :) smile.
OK, everybody now, listen to these MJ songs in youtube now ! haha.
message from me (!) : help the people around you. don't be selfish. today, i realized there are many more people who are less fortunate. yes, lots don't even have computers and internets. some are dying of hunger. some are dying because the world is changing - WARS.. floods.. earthquakes.. it's sad.. people are suffering. but we can make a difference, right?
yes, "there's no need to cry.." :) if we all help, even just a lil' bit.
***
STOP WAR. MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.
***
- michelle.
ps: don't worry. be happy. =)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
HAPPY.
I actually know it all along. But why do I still feel sad? The heart is a weird thing. One minute you do not feel a thing. And one minute you feel like crashing. It brings you happiness but it also brings you devastation. Yeah, it brings me more sadness though. You are obvious, in everything you do. I notice it. I see it. Do not feel sad. Do not worry. I'll be happy if you are.. So be happy.
I cry again and again. I wonder when will the tear reservoir dry up. "I got to move on." I tell myself. "I am happy." I lie but always hope, that I will, be happy.
The days pass. One year, two years, three years,.. I still feel the same. Now, I am so tired. Luckily I have my friends and cousins. They are the light. I try to be positive. Yes, I can do this.
However, every morning when I wake up, all these efforts disappear. I have to start rebuilding myself again. Everything that reminds me of you, crush me. I have to start the whole process again.
When I see you, I start thinking ridiculous things. When I don't, I miss you, a lot. I always think if I should continue thinking of you or forget you. I am proud because I own this feeling. Some never fall in love. I do. But I am still confused.
I cry. I laugh. I smile. I hope for the best. "Everything happens for a reason," right?
Yesterday, I made a decision. I wonder whether if I'll be happy if you are happy. Yes, I think so. I let you go. I want you to move on. Maybe I am just not strong enough. I am not a good fighter. Do what you want to do. Do what I may not be able to do. That is, to say the words, "I love you."
Maybe someday, I'll be able to see you again.
With a fresh heart. Free. And happy.
-michelle
ps: be happy no matter what happens =) because it'll make people around you happier..
I cry again and again. I wonder when will the tear reservoir dry up. "I got to move on." I tell myself. "I am happy." I lie but always hope, that I will, be happy.
The days pass. One year, two years, three years,.. I still feel the same. Now, I am so tired. Luckily I have my friends and cousins. They are the light. I try to be positive. Yes, I can do this.
However, every morning when I wake up, all these efforts disappear. I have to start rebuilding myself again. Everything that reminds me of you, crush me. I have to start the whole process again.
When I see you, I start thinking ridiculous things. When I don't, I miss you, a lot. I always think if I should continue thinking of you or forget you. I am proud because I own this feeling. Some never fall in love. I do. But I am still confused.
I cry. I laugh. I smile. I hope for the best. "Everything happens for a reason," right?
Yesterday, I made a decision. I wonder whether if I'll be happy if you are happy. Yes, I think so. I let you go. I want you to move on. Maybe I am just not strong enough. I am not a good fighter. Do what you want to do. Do what I may not be able to do. That is, to say the words, "I love you."
Maybe someday, I'll be able to see you again.
With a fresh heart. Free. And happy.
-michelle
ps: be happy no matter what happens =) because it'll make people around you happier..
SMILE, CAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN CRYING. =)
the big comeback... not really.
yay ! i finally visit my blog.. after so long... exam's over, and i'm kinda bored, left with only tuition homework to do.. so i thought that i should update myself and the blog here... which i think nobody will visit anyway. i deleted more than half of the earlier posts here. have to have a new start, sorta. it just feels like a mess here.
i cant believe 2009 is almost... over. haha, not the right word but you get the point. one and a half more month till dbsk's anniversary. *woot*
new moon
and new moon. yay ! it's finally showing soon... real soon !! i cant wait to watch.... i think that jamie campbell (playing as caius) and alex meraz (as paul) are pretty cute... and taylor !! no other 17-year-old could beat sexy Taylor ~ but hey, i wont say i'm team jacob. i love both edward and jacob.. !! HAHA. i'm glad i love both of them. only, i didnt really like jacob in the first book. but awww, he's just so sweet in new moon. so, yay to team edward and team jacob !
the sweet thing called love
not so sweet. love life? heartbroken.. HAHA. nothing much about this topic. but i gotta say, i wish that person would just get out of my life. sick and tired. gah.
winnie the pooh
since a friend said winnie the pooh is so lame, i kinda like winnie the pooh. HAHA. i dont care.
hahaha
yeah, laugh. laugh all you want. HAHAHA.
miss you !
i finally remembered this feeling ! i actually missed blogging. it feels fun again. woo ! more updates in the future ! got to go. bye ! :) :D
-michelle
ps: smile, cause it's better than crying.
yay ! i finally visit my blog.. after so long... exam's over, and i'm kinda bored, left with only tuition homework to do.. so i thought that i should update myself and the blog here... which i think nobody will visit anyway. i deleted more than half of the earlier posts here. have to have a new start, sorta. it just feels like a mess here.
random?
so, let me start by talking about the weather. yeah, i know it's boring but it's the first thing in my mind now. it's raining ~ the raindrops hit the roof so hard i can barely hear my music.. but dont you think the rain is so..beautiful?? though i never play in the rain...not really. asking what music i'm listening to right now? (lol) irony by wonder girls ! yeah.. it's so cool..though i'm not really a fan of theirs. just listened to some of their songs a few days ago.. oh, and i heard of the new k-boyband group. B2ST... my friend told me about them yesterday..only heard one song of theirs so far..
i cant believe 2009 is almost... over. haha, not the right word but you get the point. one and a half more month till dbsk's anniversary. *woot*
new moon
and new moon. yay ! it's finally showing soon... real soon !! i cant wait to watch.... i think that jamie campbell (playing as caius) and alex meraz (as paul) are pretty cute... and taylor !! no other 17-year-old could beat sexy Taylor ~ but hey, i wont say i'm team jacob. i love both edward and jacob.. !! HAHA. i'm glad i love both of them. only, i didnt really like jacob in the first book. but awww, he's just so sweet in new moon. so, yay to team edward and team jacob !
the sweet thing called love
not so sweet. love life? heartbroken.. HAHA. nothing much about this topic. but i gotta say, i wish that person would just get out of my life. sick and tired. gah.
winnie the pooh
since a friend said winnie the pooh is so lame, i kinda like winnie the pooh. HAHA. i dont care.
hahaha
yeah, laugh. laugh all you want. HAHAHA.
miss you !
i finally remembered this feeling ! i actually missed blogging. it feels fun again. woo ! more updates in the future ! got to go. bye ! :) :D
-michelle
ps: smile, cause it's better than crying.
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